Embracing Reality
by pink-strawberry-lemonade
Summary: Sam narrates the post-high school lives of herself and her friends, when something unexpected becomes a huge turning point in their friendship. Multi-Chapter. Creddie.
1. Bright Futures

~Sam's POV~

Graduating from Ridgeway was something I never thought I would be able to do. At least not at the same time as Carly and Freddie, anyway. I somehow miraculously was able to pass my classes and keep up just so I could make it across the stage and get the stupid paper saying that I actually survived high school.

So, life's pretty good; for all of us. It's sad for us to be going our separate ways and having to end iCarly, but we all see that we have bright futures. Freddie got accepted to MIT, which was huge for him. Carly plans on going to Seattle U, just to see to it that she can check up on Spencer every weekend. I'm not going to college, part of the reason being I have no clue what I wanna do. Also, my mom couldn't afford it if I wanted to go. Instead, I'm working as a self-defense instructor down at the community center. It's good pay, and soon I'll be able to get my own place.

The summer was just like any other; we all hung out and acted like we had an eternity to spend. But, as our time dwindled, reality settled in quick. I could feel that something huge was gonna happen; I just couldn't figure it out.

A couple times, I caught Fredwad and Carly holding hands or kissing, and I smiled to myself. I knew they would come to their senses sooner or later.

"Hey, Carls," I said, letting myself in her apartment; I never bothered knocking.

"Sam," she said, surprised, "I thought you were still working."

"Nah, I convinced them to let me off today in exchange for a double-shift next week."

"Oh, that's good then," she smiled, bringing me a glass of iced tea and inviting me to sit with her on the couch.

"Can you believe I'm going to college in three weeks?" she continued, "It's unreal."

"You can say that again; I can't believe the nub's leaving in three _days_," I replied, "I'll miss rippin' on the kid."

"Sam, Freddie's hardly a kid anymore." I could sense some admiration in her voice.

"Age is but a number."

"Carly," Freddie called from the hall, knocking on the door.

"It's open!" Carly called back.

Freddie walked in, his backpack over his shoulder as usual. He helped himself to some of the tea and joined us on the couch.

"So, I'm all packed, officially," He announced. We just sat there in silence, still trying to grip reality after the summer that seemed like a dream.

"I thought you weren't leaving for three days?" Carly asked.

"My mom decided tomorrow would be better."

This time, we all weren't trying to grip reality; we were trying to let it slip through our fingers again. The silence settled again, and I saw a tear drip from Carly's cheek. My eyes felt moist as well, but I still tried to fight the tears. I shouldn't waste them over Fredward. It was…just weird.

"Aw, Carls," I said, my voice hoarse. I threw my arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. She just let the tears fall, and I decided not to stop mine either.

"Oh, guys," Freddie said sympathetically, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it so bluntly, I just —"

"Freddie," Carly whispered. I think she meant to say more, but couldn't continue.

"I'm right here," he replied simply, putting his arms around her waist. We all just sat there in a group hug, letting our tears flow. It was a strange reality, but we accepted it. I know that I'd miss 'em both, even Fredweird.

"Oh, no, not tears," Spencer said upon discovering our current state. We didn't react or respond.

"Don't cry…" he continued, "Blue skies…"

Carly let out a giggle at his attempt to cheer us up, and we all smiled.


	2. Memories

**Author's Note: I hope you like this chapter (: Please R&R.**

"Can I crash here tonight?" I asked Carly and Spencer a little later. As always, they said yes. Freddie asked the same, and it looked as though we would all have a little more time together, even if it were only precious hours.

We were sitting on the couch, side by side, watching reruns of Girly Cow. The memories came flooding back to me; all the times Carly and I stayed up so late just to see the new episode one more time.

I could tell that we were all trying to act as though nothing had change. So, I got up and proudly announced: "I have to pee." Carly smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Don't fall in," Freddie advised jokingly.

"Watch it, Benson," I replied.

Yup. Just like old times, indeed.

After doing my business, I was walking back when I overheard Freddie and Carly talking. I know that eavesdropping is frowned upon generally, but when do I ever do the right thing?

"Freddie," Carly whispered, as if she knew I were there, "I'm in love with you."

I almost gagged. But, deep down, I always knew, and was kinda happy.

"You know how long I waited for you to say that?" Freddie answered, sighing with sheer content. I saw Carly just nod her head and start kissing him. It was kinda cute and innocent, until they fell back on the couch, completely wrapped up in one another. I suddenly felt really awkward standing there. I didn't know what to do. If I walked out there again, they would stop and be really tense the rest of the night. But, if I just stayed here, who knows how mentally scarred I would become?

When I saw Freddie's shirt come off and get thrown behind the couch, I decided to crawl very quietly to the stairs and tiptoe up to Carly's room.

They didn't see me, but as soon as I made myself comfy in Carly's bed, I knew I should've stopped it, tension or not. What I heard scarred me just as much as seeing it would have. I couldn't sleep at all.

Nevertheless, I squeezed my eyes shut, only to have them shoot open again. Couldn't they keep it down? I didn't understand how Spencer could sleep through it.

I tried to sleep again, and this time it worked, but only after I stopped hearing the…noises. I slept quietly and, thankfully, dreamlessly.

My eyes fluttered open, and everything came back to me. I wanted to barf, and was scared to go back downstairs. Either way, I swallowed the puke and perhaps the last of my dignity, and took my time with each step.

It wasn't what I expected to see at all. Instead of Carly and Freddie all wrapped up in each other, still sleeping, with their clothes thrown all around them, it was much different.

Carly sat alone in the middle of the couch, fully clothed, and crying.

"Carly?" I asked tentatively. When I received no answer, I tried again, stepping closer. "Carls?"

"Sam, he's gone," Carly said; it was the only thing she could manage between sobs. I didn't ask any more questions, I just sat beside her and hugged her apologetically. When she finally calmed down, she started to talk.

"He was here last night, I fell asleep in his arms, and now…" The waterworks began again.

"Carls, I'm sorry…" It was the only thing I could think of. I was left numb. Then, the rage began seeping in through the cracks. That boy is dead. Absolutely DEAD. He has no right to do that, not at all. Fredward Benson is officially done for.


	3. Smile

**Author's Note: Again, enjoy the chapter! As always, R&R (:**

"FREDWARD!" I slammed my fist against the door of his apartment repeatedly, screaming his name and various threats in hopes of getting my hands on him.

"Sam!" I heard Carly behind me. I tried to suppress my anger long enough to turn around and listen to her. When I saw her, she looked like a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was tangled, and her clothes were mismatched and carelessly thrown on. Her voice sounded rough as well.

"He's not home," she continued, "He left for MIT, remember?"

"I don't care if I have to walk all the way to Cambridge!" I protested, succumbing to the rage again, "I'm gonna KILL HIM‼"

I was so mad; I just wanted to punch something. I paced, looking for a way to channel my anger. I heard myself growl, and Carly took a few steps backward. I decided the wall was my best option, and left a huge dent. I knew Carly's mouth was agape, but she wasn't protesting, and I felt better.

Suddenly, Spencer rushed outside, screaming, "What was that huge thud?" I simply gestured to my dent, and he just shrugged and turned his attention to Carly.

"How're you doing, Carls?" he asked her, concerned. Instead of answering, Carly rushed past him, back into the apartment.

"Carly?" I said, following her. I caught up to her just in time to see her puke her guts out into the toilet.

"Whoa, you okay?" I asked, holding her hair back for another round.

"I feel like crap," she answered when she was done.

"Jeez, I wonder if you're sick," I worried.

"No…" she said delicately, "I might've had a drink or two early this morning when I woke up."

"One or two? You're kidding me; it'd take…wait, where'd you get drinks?"

"Spencer has a stash…and I guess it was more; I lost track."

I stared at her in disbelief; I was sorta proud of her for doing something bad, but on the other hand, this meant that the whole Fredwad thing was affecting her majorly. I didn't have the greatest feeling about this.

"Please, don't tell Spencer," she asked me, genuinely afraid of the consequences. I just sighed.

"You done?" I inquired simply.

"Yeah, I think so."

I took Carly out to sit on the couch, but she seemed reluctant.

"Oh, gross!" I exclaimed, and then Carly hushed me, because Spencer was over in the kitchen. But it was hard to ignore the huge spot on the couch cushion. Carly simply picked it up and flipped it over so the spot wasn't showing. She sat down after that, and wrapped her arms around her legs; her expression was hard to read.

I was deep in thought, anyway. Why would she do it with _him_? It made me shudder and consider barfing; I should keep the memory repressed to prevent constant nausea.

"I made you some chicken soup," Spencer offered, setting a bowl on the coffee table in front of Carly. She just looked at it, and then returned to her distant thoughts.

"Come on, kiddo," he continued, "I know you're upset, but you can't mope around forever."

Carly sighed in response, shifting her gaze downward.

"Aw, Cupcake," I gently tried to cheer her up, "Guys are like that. They love and leave and never seem to feel a thing, then try to leave us with the mess. Why do you think I'm out to get the nub? I'm not gonna let him do this to you. You know, the only guy a girl can really trust is her dad…or, you know, her Spencer."

She laughed at that. I was glad I could put a smile on her face, because it might be a while before we see one there again.


	4. Disbelief

**Author's Note: Important Chapter Alert! Please enjoy, R&R (:**

"You better pick up…" I muttered to myself, getting slightly annoyed.

"Hello?" I heard a voice on the other end.

"Listen, Fredweird, I swear to—"

"Sam, listen to me, I didn't mean to leave Carly like that…"

"Oh really?" I could feel myself letting the rage speak for me, "Because it sure seems like you did. And don't you dare interrupt me again. I want you to listen and listen good. Carly has cried every last tear for you, she won't eat, she never leaves her room, and I'm pretty sure she's been binge drinking lately."

"She's still home?" He asked in disbelief. I was shocked, too; it was two weeks after Carly was supposed to start at Seattle U.

"Yes, nub, now listen," I hated myself for pausing; his voice made me madder. "I'm about to go over there and try to get her out of bed, at least. You're gonna call her and tell her every single reason why you left her to wake up alone; _every_ reason, lousy and good. I don't want to hear them, she does."

"Sam…"

"Dude!" I tried to sound as threatening as possible, but I could hear myself slipping. "I have my hand on her doorknob. When I hang up, you're dialing her number. She will pick up. And don't think that I can't fuck you up just 'cause you're across the country. I can and gladly will. So—"

"Sam…?" I faintly heard Freddie's voice from the phone. My vision was flooded by what was happening right in front of me. I dropped the phone, and rushed to Carly.

"Carls!" I yelled, dropping to her side. She was passed out on the floor, a bottle of vodka spilled near her and an empty pill bottle in her hand.

"CARLY!" I screamed, shaking her. I felt the tears rushing out, but didn't try to stop them. They fell into Carly's hair as I kept calling her name, screaming it, trying to wake her up. I didn't know why nobody was coming to help, why Spencer wasn't running over, or why Mrs. Benson didn't hear me.

In between a few of my screams I heard Freddie's faint voice from the phone, wanting to know what was going on. I couldn't face it to say anything, so I just went over and ended the call, immediately dialing 911 after.

"Yeah, she's on the floor, passed out…I can't wake her up," I told the dispatcher. I could feel sobs beginning to rock through my body, and the tears continued to flow.

It seemed like forever before the EMTs arrived, and by then I had already called Spencer. I told him to meet us at the hospital.

::

I remember Spencer comforting me while I cried, and I remember the nurse telling us she didn't know anything yet and asking us if we wanted something to drink or eat. I just cried.

Freddie kept calling my phone and Carly's; I had both with me. I couldn't bear to talk to him right now. But, it got so annoying, I picked up (like an idiot).

"Hello?" my voice sounded rough.

"Sam?" he asked.

"Yeah, what?"

"Well, I wanna know what happened! I've been worried sick!"

"Freddie, I—"

I couldn't continue, so I handed the phone to Spencer. He told Freddie the whole story and how we still didn't know what was going on; if Carly was alive or not. Just as Spencer was hanging up the phone, a doctor came in.

"Hello, Spencer?"

"Yes?" Spencer stood up, clearing his throat.

"I'm Dr. Johnson; you're Carly's guardian?" the doctor introduced himself.

"Yeah."

"I have good news and bad news: the good news is that Carly is expected to make a full recovery; she's now stable in the ICU. The bad news is, we believe she will be in a coma for the next few days. We also believe she may have miscarried."

"Wait, miscarried?" Spencer asked, confused.

"Yes, Carly is—was, pregnant." Dr. Johnson replied matter-of-factly.


	5. Rage and Guilt

**Author's Note: I know, I know, what's happening? No worries. It's all here. Enjoy, R&R (:**

I sat by Carly's side, squeezing her hand. I had no more tears to cry. Only thoughts to run through my mind. When Spencer wasn't in the room, I would talk to her. Tell her things like she better have been planning to name the kid after me, and how I miss her, and how she's my best friend and I love her and I can't understand why she would want to put me through the pain of losing her. The only response was the steady beeping of her heart monitor. I would just sigh, knowing deep down that she couldn't hear me, but it didn't stop me from trying to have a conversation.

I lost track of time hours, days ago. Every day was the same. Except they day I heard two very familiar voices arguing in the hall. I squeezed Carly's hand one last time before getting up to see what was going on.

"I'm not letting you in there!" I heard Spencer yell.

"I have a right to see her!" Was that…Freddie?

"You did this to her!"

"I did _not_—"

"Hey‼" I screamed, shutting them both up. "Fredwad, shouldn't you be in your fancy tech-nerd school?"

"I left so I could see Carly. How is she?"

"Comatose."

"Thanks for that, Sam. Really, how is she? And why won't Spencer let me see her?"

"Spencer, did you tell him anything?" I asked.

"Well, no…"

"Ugh, I guess I will then. Carly was all depressed about how you 'loved and left' her…literally. And she had been binge drinking for a while, I told you that, but…she tried killing herself with an overdose. That's why I hung up the phone without answering you."

"She…what? No, Carly would never…did I really do this?" By this point, I would say Fredweird was talking to himself. We just listened to him, and didn't try to stop him when he got so mad he punched the wall in.

"That's not all you did to her," Spencer cut in, enraged again, "She was pregnant, _fucking pregnant_, and because of this she miscarried."

"P...pregnant…?" Freddie stuttered, his throat dry. Every possible emotion washed over his expression at that moment. He finally just pushed past us and knelt by Carly's bedside, taking her hand.

He started copying my idea: talking to her. But, unlike me, he didn't care there were people there who could hear him.

"Carly, I'm so sorry," he began, "I never should have left your side…I never should've pushed you farther than you wanted to go…I should've…I should've…"

His shoulders shook as sobs violently racked his body. I was impressed; he risked Spencer beating his ass and me tormenting him for the rest of his life just to be by her side. He must really love her.

Somebody else showed up within the next hour that was a little more pushy than Spencer when it came to dealing with Freddie.

"Dad?" Spencer asked in shock, turning when he heard footsteps.

"How is she, Spencer?" Was all Colonel Steven Shay asked.

"The same."

"Where's the boy?"

"He went outside for some air."

"Good, a conversation like the one I'm about to have with him isn't really…proper for this setting. Be back soon."

And with that, he turned on his heel and left.


	6. Show's Over

**Author's Note: This is part filler chapter, part insight into Sam's emotions. Please enjoy, R&R. Also, a special thanks to my first two reviewers, **_CreddieShipper _**and** _ItsAllMe97_**.**

As much as I love seeing the nub in pain, especially with recent events, I didn't want to leave Carly alone. I was still tempted to figure out what was going on. I got up, and strolled to the window. I couldn't hear him, but the Colonel was definitely giving Fredwad a hard time.

_Good_, I thought, _He deserves it after what he did to Carly_.

Still, I kinda felt bad for the kid…in a way. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. It must be hard to be told that you had the chance to be a parent, but it was taken away before you even knew about it. And then, I wondered if Carly knew she had been pregnant. Could that have been her deal breaker? My mind immediately went off in a million different directions. Maybe this was what she wanted; to die.

As soon as I thought of that, an image of Carly's lifeless body staring up at me from a coffin clouded my vision. I was crying a lot lately; when did I get so soft? Either way, Carly's funeral was not something I wanted to be thinking of. We could only be grateful that she was here now.

I remembered why I was at the window, and looked for Freddie and the Colonel again. But, instead of the yelling like I saw before, they were…having a civilized conversation. What has the world come to? Good military training is being put to waste here. The nub knocked up his daughter, why is he being _nice_?

Spencer walked in, and saw me at the window.

"Sam?" He asked, almost afraid to approach me, it seemed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatdya want?" I replied, perhaps a bit too harshly.

"You're worried."

"Doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that out, Spence."

"Well, we all are…we're here for you, just like you were there for Carly. It's the least we could do to return the favor."

"Stop making me feel all special, I shoulda told you when she first started drinking."

Even though my back was to him, I could tell he was gonna say something, but shut his mouth when Fredward and the Colonel walked back in. I knew I didn't need to be at the window anymore, the show was over. But part of me didn't want to turn back around and face the reality that was dumped in my lap.


	7. Who Knew

**Author's Note: This is chapter is kinda important...okay, really important. Enjoy, R&R, as always (:**

I kept talking to Carly all the time, even when there were other people in the room. To me, it didn't matter anymore. Spencer or Freddie or Carly's Dad didn't seem to mind.

"Aw, Cupcake," I said one day, "I miss you; we all do. We need you back."

I squeezed her hand…and she squeezed back.

"Carls?" I asked in a low voice. She squeezed my hand harder, and her eyes fluttered open.

"Carly?" Freddie chimed in with me this time; we were the only ones in here for now.

"Sam?" She whispered, barely audible, "Freddie?"

"Carly," Freddie breathed, mixing her name with his sigh of relief.

"Where am I?" Carly asked, trying to clear her throat.

"You're in the hospital, Cupcake," I replied affectionately, tears welling up in my eyes already, "I thought I lost you; we all thought we lost you."

"Oh, Sam," she said, almost reassuring me, "I wanted you guys to lose me."

"What? Carly…?" Freddie stroked her hand, and leaned close to her face, "Why would you ever want us to lose you?"

"Freddie, don't touch me…go away…" The conversation was starting to take its toll on Carly, and her eyes slipped closed for a moment. When Freddie didn't budge, she tried shaking him off.

"Carls, he's just here 'cause he loves you," I told her softly. They both stared at me, almost not believing what they heard.

"It's true," Freddie said simply.

"That's a lie," Carly whispered, a tear falling down her cheek, "If you loved me you wouldn't have left."

"I didn't leave because I don't love you…I love you with everything I have, Carly Shay. Do you think I wanted to leave you there, without a goodbye, or any explanation? We got caught. Spencer caught us and my mom dragged me away. She wouldn't let me talk to you or Sam for the longest time. The only reason I'm here is because she realized I wouldn't let her stop me."

"Do you really think that I'll just forgive and forget that easy?"

"No, I just wanted you to know…" Freddie didn't continue, he just squeezed her hand, kissed her forehead, and let his free hand rest on her stomach. A silent tear fell there.

"Freddie…what don't I know?" Carly finally asked, whispering again.

"We were gonna have a baby," Freddie said, following a small sob, "But now…"

"Oh, God…" Carly was in disbelief. Much like Freddie, every emotion possible washed over her expression, shock, anger, hurt…everything.

"I…" she stuttered, "I killed my—I killed our baby…"

The waterworks started immediately after she said that. I took her other hand, trying to comfort her.

"Hey, Cupcake," I started, "It's just textbook stuff; it's in the ABC of growing up…don't lose your head. None of us are angels…and you know I love you. You know Fredwad loves you. You know Spencer and your dad and everyone loves you. You didn't know; don't beat yourself up, now."

"But, Sam…I…" she tried to protest.

"It's not your fault. You didn't mean for this to happen; nobody could've known. Besides, I'm sure that your little baby Sam knew it wasn't meant to be right now."

"Baby Sam?" she asked, a smile forming on her lips.

"You know you were gonna name the kid after me, anyway," I tried to keep the humor alive as a last ditch effort to cheer her up. Fredweird just glared at me.

"It is a good idea," Carly whispered, "Baby Sam…" her voice trailed away, and she smiled and closed her eyes, one last tear falling from them.

**A/N: "It's just textbook stuff; it's in the ABC of growing up…don't lose your head. None of us are angels…and you know I love you." Based on the song "Speeding Cars" by Imogen Heap. I suggest listening to it, it's good. (:**


	8. Mama Doesn't Play Around

**Author's Note: This time I remembered to tell you that I don't own iCarly. Also, enjoy, please, and don't forget to R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

Now that Carly was awake, we hoped that her time in the hospital would be much shorter. The days went by and we were still there, by her side. Although, her energy came back slowly, she smiled more, talked longer. But, best of all, cried less. We all cried less. Maybe because all our tears had dried up already; but maybe because we saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

"Carls," I complained one day, "When can we get outta here?"

"I don't know!" she replied in her usual tone, "Whenever I stop being sick, how's that?"

"But they don't have ham here!" I protested, "I can't run on no ham! Any Sam on earth could tell you that Sam's can't live without regular servings of ham‼"

"Would you calm down? I'm sure you can go get ham somewhere else."

"Yeah, but…I'm too lazy."

Carly just laughed; good. That was my goal: keep her happy as possible so she doesn't pull another stunt like this one. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Carly said. It was almost like we were back at her place.

"Hello, Carly," Dr. Johnson said, "How are you doing today?"

"I feel great, thanks," Carly replied.

"Except for the lack of ham in this joint," I interjected grumpily.

"Oh, Sam," Carly scolded gently, "Anyway, Doc, what's up?"

"Your vitals are looking very good, and by now all the toxins have been cleansed out of your system. You should be good to go to leave by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Carly and I said simultaneously, surprised.

"Wow, Carls," I added, "Maybe you could get to Seattle U after all."

"Yeah," she answered, less enthusiastic.

"Anyway, we're just gonna keep you here overnight to make sure you remain stable," Doc Johnson added, "See you guys tomorrow."

"Bye," I said.

"Thanks," Carly added after me.

After the Doc left, Carly turned her head to the left, looking for Freddie.

"Who brought the flowers?" she asked.

"Gibby stopped by while you were asleep, said they were from him and his mom. Principal Franklin sent some, too, both bouquets are in the same vase." I clarified.

"Oh, just wondering…"

"Hey, there, you're awake," Freddie said as he walked in. He wasted no time giving Carly a quick peck on the lips before sitting beside her again. They were lost in each others' eyes…I felt like they were idiots because for the longest time, I was the only one who could see how in love they are. Normally, this type of thing would make me sick. But, not this time. It's different. Their happiness has become my happiness; maybe it's because I don't have to deal with them being so oblivious about it anymore.

There was another knock on the door.

"It's open," I announced. I turned around to see Melanie walk in.

"Hey, sis," I greeted, surprised to see her.

"Hi, Sam," she replied, giving me a quick hug before turning to Carly. "How are you, hun?" she asked, concerned.

"Better," Carly replied with a smile, "Much better. Thanks for coming, I didn't even expect you."

"Oh, well, I wasn't trying to intrude."

"You're not, it's fine. I'm glad you're here," Carly reassured her. They continued their conversation, but I didn't pay much attention…I started spacing a little.

"Hey, Fredwad," I suddenly said, "I wanna talk to you."

Without responding, he followed me out into the hall. I shut the door behind him.

"Lemme know what Carly's dad told you, just so I don't repeat anything," I started.

"Oh, Sam," Freddie complained. I interrupted him.

"Ah ah ah! Tell me."

"At first, he said he was gonna beat my ass for sleeping with and getting his daughter pregnant. I tried to explain, but he wouldn't let me interrupt. He said that it was improper of me to stay the night anyway. I finally was able to explain to him how I didn't mean for any of it to happen and that Spencer already did some of the beating."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, pretty much…sorry to disappoint."

"Nope, not done yet," I caught his arm as he headed back toward the room, "I have something to say: he's not the only one who's gonna beat your ass. I know what happened, I heard your side of the story, but that still doesn't change anything. Just saying. Also, if Carly gets pregnant again within the next, oh, year or so, I'm definitely kicking your ass into next century. Got it, Benson?"

"Alright, okay, jeez," he agreed, flustered by my threats.

"Mama doesn't play around," I added as an afterthought.


	9. Brown Eyes

**Author's Note: Don't own iCarly. Otherwise, I'd be Mrs. Nathan Kress. Enjoy, R&R (:**

* * *

The next day, we all left the hospital. It was kind of surreal, and almost like things were starting to be normal again. But, we all knew nothing would ever be the same. Carly was feeling much better, but the emotional scars were permanent. Sometimes, when she was asleep in the hospital I would hear her mutter "baby Sam" and smile. I had honestly been joking, but she took to it. It kinda made me smile a little.

We got to the door of her apartment, and Spencer stopped us.

"Before I open the door," he began dramatically, "I have a surprise for Carly. Carls, I know you love music, and you love playing the piano, so…."

He opened the door to reveal a baby grand piano in the corner.

"Oh my God!" Carly squealed, going over right away to start playing. "It's perfect!" She was beaming and tackled Spencer in a huge hug. "Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!"

I just laughed. "Calm down, Carls," I told her, "Why don't you play us something?"

Instead of just playing scales like she was, she started playing a familiar tune.

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" she sang, "I could really use a wish right now, wish right now…"

"Beautiful," Freddie commented, as we applauded. Carly smiled.

For the next couple days, I stayed over at Carly's, just to make sure she wasn't alone and stayed smiling.

One morning I woke up and heard music. I went downstairs and saw Carly playing her new piano with Freddie by her side.

"And your brown eyes…I was feeling low. Cause the brown eyes…and you never know," she sang, "Got some brown eyes…but I saw her face. I knew that it was wrong, so baby, turn the record on, play that song. Where everything, was everything…but everything is over. Everything could be everything if only we were older. I guess it's just a silly song about you…and how I lost you, and your brown eyes. Brown eyes…"

"Wow, nice song, Carls," I said when she stopped playing.

"Really, I loved it," Freddie agreed.

"Thanks," she smiled, "Look at this…" She handed a picture to Freddie, and I got closer so I could see it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I had a dream about what baby Sam would look like," Carly answered, a small tear escaping her eyes, "And I described her to Spencer; he drew her for me."

The baby in the picture had eyes like Freddie's and a full head of black hair. She was smiling and reaching out for something.

"That's what made me want to sing the song," Carly continued.

"She's pretty, Carls," I replied, smiling at the picture.

"She has my eyes," Freddie said, mesmerized. He stared at the picture with awe, his expression filled with bliss.

"Yeah," Carly let another tear slide down her cheek, "It's almost like I didn't lose her…"

I just sat beside her and hugged her, letting her cry. Freddie wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed the marks they left behind.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, his voice overwhelmed by hurt.

After a few days, I figured out what he was apologizing for.

"Carly," I heard him explain, "I have to go back…"

"Freddie, don't—please," she sputtered in return, "You can't…leave me again…"

"Shh," he comforted, holding her while she sobbed, "After I'm done, I'll never leave you again…it'll be better for us, I promise."

"Don't let go," she whispered.

"Never…"

I sighed, walking away from the scene. The whole situation made me think. What if it had been me? What if I had gotten so low, who would be there to find me? Who would hold me while I cried…?

_Incompatible…it don't matter though_

'_Cause someone's bound to hear my cry_

_Speak out if you do_

_You're not easy to find_

I thought about my old boyfriends…they were really no good in the end. I wondered how many of them had someone else, while I still had no one…

_Is it possible Mr. Loveable is already in my life?_

_Right in front of me_

_Or maybe you're in disguise_

The only one that really stuck out was Pete. He didn't care that I could kick ass, and he didn't care that I wasn't that girly. He really liked me…for me. On top of it all, he was gorgeous. But, I wondered where he is now.

_Who doesn't long for someone to hold?_

_Who knows how to love you without being told_

_Somebody tell me why I'm on my own_

_And if there's a soulmate for everyone._

I took out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. His number was still there…maybe because I never really understood why we broke up. Or maybe because I never really got over him. I took a chance right then and there, tempting fate. I called him.

"Hello?"

* * *

**A/N: Carly's song was "Brown Eyes" by Lady GaGa. Italics was "Soulmate" by Natasha Bedingfield. I love putting music in. I might do it more often...thoughts?**


	10. Put Your Arms Around Me

**Author's Note: It's kind of a filler chapter, just cause I might not update tomorrow. Depends...anyway, enjoy, R&R. Nope, I didn't come up with iCarly. Otherwise, I'd be pretty rich and successful.

* * *

**

"Hi, Pete," I began, "It's Sam."

"Sam…Puckett?" he asked, pausing.

"The one and only," I said hesitantly, laughing nervously.

"Hey," he replied, surprised, "What's up?"

"Just a ton of stuff…I need someone to talk to about it."

"Sure, sure, I can talk."

"Well…" I started spilling everything I was feeling, everything that happened. I wondered again when I became so soft. As soon as I finished my story though, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"Wow," was all Pete could say, "That's…wow, that's rough."

_That original feeling never went away  
That's why I'm standing here today._

"Just out of curiosity," he continued, "Why…why did you call to talk to me?"

"Cause…" I tried to grasp for a reason that wasn't too bold, "I wanted to make sure what I was thinking was rational."

"Well, Carly's been pretty depressed lately, so—"

"No, no, no," I interrupted, "I meant…what I was thinking about you."

_So many up and downs  
And nothing has changed  
That's why you know I'm here to stay._

"Oh…" he replied.

"Pete, I never really…got over you…what we had. I felt…complete when I was with you." When he didn't reply, I added, "I hope I'm not being too forward."

"I can tell you're not yourself," he commented, "You never used to care if you were too forward. But, you're not in any case. I was thinking the same thing when you called."

"Really…?"

_So put your arms around me  
And then stay there forever  
Let it always be this way  
You and me together_

"Yeah…so…you wanna go get dinner…sometime?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Sure. I'll pick you up at 6."

"Great! Um, bye."

"See you tomorrow, Sammie."

I sighed like a thirteen year old again when he used his old nickname for me. Maybe this would really work.

"Sam?" Carly asked, walking out into the hallway where I had been on the phone, "I wondered where you were."

"Oh, yeah," I said distractedly, "Sorry."

"Sooo…? Who was on the phone?"

"Oh, um….Pete."

"No way‼"

"Yes way! We're going on a date tomorrow."

"Oh my God, that's so great!" She was absolutely beaming at this point and gave me a strangling hug. I couldn't help but smile myself.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Put Your Arms Around Me" by Natasha Bedingfield. Sorry I didn't wait for your thoughts this time around, but I thought the song would fit. (:**


	11. Marching On

**Author's Note: Sorry this took so long; it's a pretty lengthy chapter. Enjoy, R&R (:

* * *

**

Carly entertained herself by dressing me up in as many different outfits as she could think of in preparation for my date tonight. She and I couldn't agree on anything, but we finally settled on bright teal skinnys, a retro cutoff sweater and a studded belt at my waist. However, I insisted on wearing my black Nike's, rather than the killer stilettos she wanted to put me in. I carefully studied my reflection in the full length mirror.

"Do I look okay?" I asked nervously.

"Of course, Sam," Carly reassured me, "You think I would dress you in something that made you look bad? I know how much you liked Pete…I want you to feel good tonight."

"Thanks, Cupcake," I replied with a smile. I hugged her tight.

"Can I come in?" Freddie asked from the other side of the door.

"Come in," Carly replied. When Freddie walked in, her face lit up.

"Sup, Freddo," I said, still examining my reflection.

"What're you all dressed up for?" He asked.

"She has a date with Pete," Carly answered him excitedly.

"Pete? Really?" Freddie said, "I thought you guys would get back together eventually."

I just smiled to myself. We weren't _officially_ getting back together, but that's what I hoped would happen. I couldn't just rely on Carly anymore, especially since she has Freddie now. I needed someone else.

_For those days we felt like a mistake,  
Those times when love's what you hate  
Somehow, we keep marching on_

"He's picking me up in…five minutes!" I startled myself, and started freaking out. "I'm so nervous!" I continued.

"Calm down," Carly reassured me, "You guys are gonna have a great time. Now go out by the door and wait!"

"Kay!" I grabbed the clutch purse Carly was making me carry and ran to the door, waiting anxiously.

_For those nights that I couldn't be there,  
I've made it harder to know that you know  
That somehow, we'll keep moving on_

The next five minutes felt like an eternity. Then, the doorbell rang at exactly six. I opened it immediately.

"Hi, Pete," I said, smiling. He hadn't changed much since high school, but he still changed. His hair was shorter, but it looked good on him. He was more muscular and taller than I remember. Definitely hotter, though.

"Hey, Sam," he replied, studying me as well. I wondered if he thought I looked hotter. I knew I changed. I got a few inches taller, too, and filled out, so I was curvier.

"Hey, Pete," I heard Freddie yell in the background.

"Hey, Freddie," he replied, "Ready to go?" he asked me.

"Sure, let's go," I agreed.

"Have fun, Sam," Carly said as I walked out the door.

"Thanks, kiddo," I replied, "See you two later."

_There's so many wars we fought,  
There's so many things we're not,  
But with what we have  
I promise you that we're marching on._

"So, Pete," I began as we walked to his car, "Where are we going tonight?"

"You remember my uncle's boat?" he asked in reply, holding my door open for me.

"Yeah?"

"It's my boat now. That's where we're eating. I thought it would be a nice place for us to catch up in private."

"Perfect," I smiled, as we drove toward the docks.

_For this dance we move with each other  
There ain't no other step  
Than one foot right in front of the other._

Pete helped me onto the boat and then started the engine. I sat beside him as we cruised through the quiet waters. I began to remember everything that had happened on our date on this same boat back in high school. He pulled out my chair for me, took my coat…he kissed me right before we started heading back to the dock. It was a full moon that night; just like tonight. Maybe it was coincidence.

_You put one foot in front of the other  
We go where we go, we're marching on._

We anchored in a quiet little bay, surrounded by lily pads and reeds. The moon was directly in front of us, and we could see every star clearly. It was beautiful.

"You look really great tonight, Sam," Pete complimented me, turning to me after shutting off the engine.

"Thanks," I replied, "You look nice, too."

We talked over a honey-baked ham (my favorite) and Delmonico potatoes with sparkling water. Turns out, Pete is a Business major at Stanford and is inheriting his uncle's company after he graduates. It wasn't the money that impressed me; it was his ambition. He wasn't being forced into the family business; he wanted to continue the family's name.

After dinner, Pete turned on the stereo in the dashboard.

"May I have this dance?" He asked me, holding out his hand. He is such a gentleman. I accepted graciously, setting my hands on his shoulders as his gently rested on my waist. I got goosebumps when Pete touched me. We swayed to the soft jazz tune playing, looking deep into each other's eyes. I began to wonder if this is how Carly felt when she looked at Freddie; beautiful and comfortable and…in love. I wondered if she noticed everything about Freddie's face and analyzed it like I was Pete's…I noticed his eyes were big, blue, and shining; his nose was perfectly contoured; his lips were full and seemed very soft. I wondered if she got chills feeling Freddie's breath on her face when they were mere inches from each other, the way Pete and I were right now. I wondered if she felt the sparks when Freddie kissed her like I felt while Pete was kissing me. I didn't realize that our lips were touching until my eyes slipped closed and my heart exploded. I was feeling so much in that moment, yet nothing had changed. I realized it was the same things I had felt for Pete before, but on a much deeper level.

_For all of the times we've fought _

_For all of the things I'm not…_

When we broke apart, everything I felt was reflected in Pete's eyes. I just smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Marching On" by OneRepublic. Yeah, so, I'm keeping the songs (:**


	12. Finally Falling

**Author's Note: I will admit, I was a bit blocked for this chapter, so sorry if it seems pointless. Enjoy, R&R (:**

**I don't own iCarly, or Nathan Kress for that matter. Shame.

* * *

**

"Carly," I called, opening the door to the apartment. I was so excited to tell her all about my date with Pete. Rather than getting an answer, I heard piano music, followed by Carly's singing.

"We go back so far, swinging in your back yard, all the things that we used to do…" she sang. "We were cool back in high school, ooh I really liked you, must have been your attitude. That's why you keep on running in and out of my mind…As the years they'll roll by, baby, now I know why I keep coming back to you. You're the only one that knows me, love it when you hold me, never found a love like this. Let me hear you say now I'll never be lonely, look at what you've shown me, never found a love like this. Well, this life tried to keep us apart, you keep calling me back to your heart…" She stopped, turning to see me walking in the door.

"Sooo…?" She asked excitedly, "How'd it go?"

"Well…" I started, "He took me to dinner on his boat, and then we talked for a while, and then he turned on some music and we danced…and we might've kissed…"

"Oh my God, he kissed you?" Carly replied enthusiastically, "No way!" She hugged me tight and beamed when she saw my face light up at her happiness for me.

"Just out of curiosity," I asked tentatively, "When you kiss Freddie, do you feel sparks? Does your heart go wild, or do you get goosebumps? Do you go into an entirely different world? Because…"

"That's how it feels when you kiss Pete," she continued for me, "And, yes, that's exactly how it feels. You love him!"

"How can I be in love with him already?" I contradicted, "We've only been on one date so far!"

"Yeah, but you guys already dated before. And, you never got over him after. Think about it, Sam."

_Suddenly, my choice is clear  
I knew when only you and I were standing here_

I did think about it; the whole night. What Carly said kinda made sense…okay, it _really_ made sense. I fell hard for Pete back in high school…and never got over it. Maybe that was because I couldn't; because it was really love.

_It's only you, _

_I know it's true,_

_It has to be._

I lay in bed reliving the magical night…I still felt Pete's lips on mine, and the tingle they left behind. I felt his soft touch, his warm breath, his gentle gaze…I could feel my heart going crazy again.

_Suddenly, I can see what I didn't before,  
And I don't care what they say anymore,  
'Cause I'm falling, finally falling._

Then, I began worrying if Pete felt the same way. I saw the way he looked at me, but that wasn't enough to convince me that it was really real. What if he had gotten over me, and I was just afraid of letting go? What if he only felt bad for me because of everything that was happening? I couldn't get these thoughts out of my mind…

_I don't need all the finer things, diamond rings, or nothing,  
So show me something...  
'Cause love is all I need, and all I ever wanted._

I didn't get much sleep, but when I finally closed my eyes, I dreamt of Pete. I dreamed that we kept dating, and we were together for years; I watched as he slipped a diamond ring on my finger, asking me to be his wife. I watched mini-me's dash around a perfect yard, Pete chasing after them; I saw Pete and I old and grey, drinking lemonade on a porch swing. I knew I was smiling in my sleep, because I couldn't help it.

_If you can't find love when you're in it,  
Don't forget it.  
It would change your mind once you get it,  
Don't you get it?_

"Sam…" I knew Carly was trying to wake me up, but I protested.

"Shush," I replied in a whisper, "I'm having a good dream!"

"Pete?" She knew me too well.

"Maybe. Five more minutes?"

"No! Get up!" She dragged me out of bed and I almost ended up on the floor before reluctantly getting on my feet.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We're all going to breakfast since Freddie's leaving again tonight."

"Kay kay," I replied, throwing on a slightly girly top and jeans.

"You can't even dress up a little bit?" Carly retorted at my outfit choice. I examined her get-up: a lacy mini skirt with a fancy top and wedge sandals.

"Ugh!" I groaned, throwing on a jean skirt instead, "Better?"

"Yeah," she replied, knowing that's as far as I would go when it comes to "dressing up". I saw the sadness in her eyes.

"You okay, kiddo?" I asked gently. When she didn't reply, I continued, "You know he's stayed as long as he can. You can make it 'till Christmas. I'm staying right here."

"I know," she smiled a little, "Anyway, what was your dream about besides Pete?"

"Well…" I began, "We got engaged, and married, and had lots of kids and a perfect house, and grew old together…and then you woke me up."

"Aww," she replied, smiling, "Well, I'm sorry, but at least now you realized that you love him."

_Falling, falling,  
I'm finally falling._

"True," We walked together to meet Fredweird and Spencer downstairs. I watched as Carly flung herself into Freddie's arms. It didn't nauseate me anymore; I just smiled.

"Oh, come on, you two," I said, only pretending that it annoyed me, "I'm hungry!"

They just laughed and kissed each other quick before breaking apart to just hold hands. I wondered what it would be like when Pete and I got to that point. I would probably be just as happy as they were.

We went to Galini's Pie Shop, sharing a coconut cream pie. It wasn't the most nutritious breakfast, but it was a place full of good memories for all of us…well, maybe not Spencer. But, we were still able to talk, and laugh, and have a good time; mainly for Carly's sake. We were trying to distract her. We were all very apprehensive as to what condition she would be in after Freddie left again. Just in case, Spencer locked every pill and bottle of alcohol in his safe that Carly didn't know about. However, since Freddie was able to say goodbye and keep in touch this time, we hoped it wouldn't be as bad. But, all we could do is hope.

* * *

**A/N: Carly's song was "Love Like This" by Natasha Bedingfield and italics was "Finally Falling" from Victorious.**


	13. Airplanes

**Author's Note: Kinda cute chapter. Mini/Semi-Spoiler: no Creddie for a while...frowny face. But, there's gonna be a lot of Sam/Pete to fill the void. What should the ship be called? Sete? Pam? Enjoy, R&R (:

* * *

**

When we got to the airport, it was a bittersweet scene. We had little over an hour before Freddie's flight. He checked in his bags while we listened to his mom go on about how she was so worried about him because she wasn't flying to Massachusetts with him this time, and yada yada yada…I got bored listening to her, so I ignored her.

We could only follow Freddie as far as the security checkpoint, so that was where we said goodbye. Freddie's mom said goodbye first.

"Now, Freddie," she began, "Don't forget to apply your ointment twice a day, and—"

"Mom!" Freddie cut her off, annoyed. But he hugged her anyway, "Don't worry; it's only until Christmas."

"I'll miss you," she replied, hugging her son back.

"Mom," Freddie said after a few minutes, "You're choking me." Mrs. Benson let go without a response, smiling slightly despite the tears welling up in her eyes.

I walked over and punched him on the shoulder; he winced. I smiled deviously.

"Good luck, Frederly," I said, and he held out his arms, expecting a hug. "Yeah, right," I continued, just laughing and walking away. Freddie dropped his arms and laughed, too.

"I kinda figured," he commented. Spencer walked over to him.

"See ya, kid," Spencer said, he and Freddie doing that guy-handshake-hug thing.

"Bye, Spence," Freddie replied. When Spencer walked away, Carly was immediately in Freddie's arms.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Freddie comforted when Carly began sobbing, "I'll be back in a few months. You won't even know I'm gone, it'll be such a short time."

"I'll miss you," Carly choked out, calming herself down.

"I'll miss you, too, Carls," he whispered, "I love you."

"Love you, too," she said, breaking away just enough to kiss him. We couldn't help it; we all smiled at the scene. They were just so…perfect for each other.

'_Cause it rains all day when I'm away,  
And I can't have you with me.  
And all that I can think about, is how much you love the city.  
And I want you here with me._

"Okay, kids," I said, trying to keep them thinking that it annoyed me, "Time to let Freddie go back to the fancy nerd school now."

"Sam," Carly reprimanded, breaking away from Freddie nevertheless. He saw the tears falling down her cheeks and wiped them away before cupping her face in his hands and kissing her again.

"Don't cry," he told her, "I'll call everyday; and I promise I'll be home for Christmas." Freddie grabbed his carry on, kissed Carly one last time, and got in line for security. We stood there to wait for him to get through the checkpoint, and when he did, he waved from the other side. We all waved back to him, and turned to head home.

_There's a canvas of clouds below my feet,  
I'm painting it homesick, because all that I love is behind me,  
I hope you still find me._

"You okay, Cupcake?" I asked Carly as we walked out of the airport.

"Yeah," she replied with a weak smile, "At least better than last time."

"Yeah, let's not bring that up," Spencer interjected, "Now who wants smoothies?"

"Me!" We all replied, heading out to the Groovy Smoothie. Maybe things would be better this time around, for all of us.

_So I'm waiting on the landing gear,  
To bring us down, so I can hear your voice.  
And I'm getting out my cell phone, now, to speed dial your house._

When we got to the Groovy Smoothie, I recognized a very familiar face. He came over to me, surprised.

"Hi, Sammie," Pete said, hugging me. I smiled.

"Hey, Pete," I replied, "What's up? I didn't expect to see you here."

"I didn't think I'd see you either," he said, "I was just getting a smoothie to go. How about you guys?"

"We just dropped Freddie off at the airport; he's heading back to MIT today."

"Ahh. Mind if I join you guys?"

"Sure, come on. Guys, can Pete sit with us?" I asked everyone. I saw Carly smile.

"Yeah, sure!" She said, looking at us while we sat down with them.

_On a runway, once again, on my way out of town.  
I think that I'm getting to use to this, and I don't know when I'll be back,  
Don't know when I'm coming back down._

We all chatted over smoothies, denying T-Bo a few times when he came around trying to sell us kiwi on his trusty stick. Pete and I eventually were whispering sweet nothings to each other, making plans for another date.

"I gotta go, Sammie," he told me after almost three hours, kissing me on the cheek before getting up, "I'll see you Friday."

"See you Friday," I called back, waving as he walked out the door.

"I could get used to this," I said dreamily to no one in particular, sipping my Strawberry Splat.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Airplanes" by Chase Coy.**


	14. Tied Together With A Smile

**Author's Note: Somewhat filler again...I promise, it'll pick up pace again soon! Enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

"Carly," I called in sing-song, opening the door to her apartment. She was at her piano again.

"Who's that?" I heard a voice ask.

"Sam just walked in," Carly answered, holding her phone in front of her, "Freddie's on speaker." She clarified for me.

"Hey, Fredwad, what goes on?" I ask him, sitting next to Carly.

"Same old, same old," he answered.

"I was just playing a song for him," Carly told me, handing me the phone and turning back to her piano. She didn't hesitate to start playing again.

"Threw some chords together," she sang, "The combination, D, E, F; it's who I am, it's what I do, and I was gonna lay it down for you. I try to focus my attention, but I feel so ADD; I need some help some inspiration, but it's not coming easily. Trying to find the magic, trying to write a classic…don'tcha know, don'tcha know, don'tcha know? Wastebin full of paper, clever rhymes, see ya later! These words are my own, from my heart flow…I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you! There's no other way to better say, I love you, I love you, love you."

"How was that?" she asked.

"Amazing!" I said as Freddie answered, "Perfect."

_I guess it's true that love was all you wanted,  
'Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change,  
Hoping it will end up in his pocket._

We all chatted again like it was old times. The best part was, Carly seemed happy. She and Freddie stayed on the phone for hours before Spencer confronted her about running up their phone bill.

"This can work," Carly told me when she hung up.

"What, you don't think that Fredweird would honestly leave you because of distance?" I retorted, "At least, he better not, while I'm around!"

"Sam, what I meant was, I can be strong," she reassured, "_I _can survive the distance." The smile of certainty on her face really backed up her statement.

"I'm proud of you, Carls," I told her, because I really was.

_You might not be the golden one,  
And you're tied together with a smile,  
But you're coming undone._

I thought about how I would be able to deal with it when Pete went back to Stanford on Saturday…could I be strong like Carly? Of course, I'm stronger than Carly; I almost never leave myself vulnerable to emotional hurt. Or, at least I thought it was that way. The incident had really changed all of us, but nobody really knew exactly _how_ it had changed me. The thought of losing my best friend really took a toll on how I looked at my life. I was an emotional wreck, but never showed it. I'm not that soft, I would tell myself. But, the truth is, now I was that soft; I'm still not allowed to show it, though.

_The water's high, you're jumping into it,  
And letting go... and no one knows  
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone._

Then again, Pete and I haven't been through nearly as much as Carly and Freddie. We were just getting started…and they had an ugly past. Not like Pete and I didn't have a past, but it didn't involve anything like…I hated remembering.

Remembering the night that I almost lost my best friend…it made me want to rip my hair out just knowing that if I hadn't paused to call Fredward, if I hadn't paused at the door, I could've stopped her. I could've prevented all of the devastation. I started blaming myself.

_Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty  
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you._

However, I always put myself in Carly's shoes. I couldn't put her through the pain of losing me, because I knew far too well what it felt like for one of us to nearly lose the other. I thought about how much she needed me right now; I didn't want her to feel abandoned by any means. It would only depress her more. That was the last thing any of us needed now…so I abandoned my thoughts and put on a smile just for Carly, so she could see that there was still happiness in her life and we were all encouraging her because we knew she could make it. She had to make it.

_You're tied together with a smile,  
But you're coming undone...  
Goodbye, baby, with a smile._

I needed to pull myself together; my soft side is taking me over. I'm Sam Puckett, dammit! I'm abrasive, pushy, and love meat! I don't cry, I don't whine. I'm going to be Sam Puckett whether I like it or not.

* * *

**A/N: Carly's song was "These Words" by Natasha Bedingfield. Italics was "Tied Together With A Smile" by Taylor Swift.**


	15. Impossible

**Author's Note: I'm so excited for iCarly tonight! Important chapter! Enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

I walked over to Skybucks on Friday to meet up with Pete for coffee. This was the last I would see him before he left for the semester. But, I promised myself that I wouldn't let him see me cry, and I would be strong, for his sake. There I go again, thinking of other people. What is wrong with me?

We met out front and he ordered out coffees. I sat at the table, waiting patiently. He came back and handed me the cup.

"It's hot," he warned me jokingly. I smiled weakly.

"You okay?" he continued, looking concerned.

"Um, yeah," I replied, "I'm just gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Sam," Pete told me, taking my hand, "But, remember I'll be up every weekend and I'll be back for Christmas."

"Yeah, I know," I smiled, or at least attempted to. I was slipping, but I couldn't let the tears in my eyes fall.

_I remember years ago,  
Someone told me I should take  
Caution when it comes to love._

I took a deep breath. I can be strong, I told myself.

"Don't cry," Pete soothed. I felt a tear fall. "It's nothing, just a couple hundred miles. That can't keep us apart." He continued.

"But…" I stuttered, "What if…what if I'm not strong enough?" The tears were flowing evenly now, and I didn't care anymore.

"Sam Puckett? Doubting her strength?" Pete asked, "You're kidding me. Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" I giggled slightly at this.

"You are the strongest person I have ever met, Sammie," he continued, "You were so strong for Carly; you can be strong for me now. You can do this."

"Pete," I sputtered, "I…I love you."

_Tell them all I know now,  
Shout it from the roof tops,  
Write it on the sky line._

"Sam…" He said, shocked, "I…"

"Oh," I replied, "No, I shouldn't have said it so soon. I'll just go." I got up, grabbing my coffee, and headed for the door. I wanted him to stop me. I wanted him to yell in protest, screaming that he loved me. But, we can't all get what we want. I walked out of the door, and no one followed.

_Tell them I was happy,  
And my heart is broken.  
All my scars are open.  
Tell them what I hoped would be impossible._

It started raining as I walked. I didn't really know where I was going. I wanted to go tell Carly, but I couldn't burden her. I would've gone home, but I didn't want to see my mom breaking in a new bikini or screaming at the cat. I just walked aimlessly, getting soaked in the downpour.

_Thinking all you need is there,  
Building faith on love and words,  
Empty promises will wear._

A car pulled up beside me, slowing to my pace. I just ignored it. The window rolled down.

"Sam?" It was Carly driving, and she pulled over on the sidewalk, "What are you doing?"

"Can I get in?" I asked.

"Yeah," she unlocked the door and I hopped in, shutting it behind me.

"What's going on?" Carly asked. I broke down right then and there.

"Pete told me I need to be strong while he's gone and I started crying and he told me that I…" I was shaking from my sobs and couldn't continue. I knew Carly was driving back to her apartment already and had one hand on my shoulder, comforting me, and she was dialing with her other hand. She must be steering with her knees.

"Yeah, just meet me there," was all I could make out from her conversation. When I looked up, I saw bright headlights right outside my window. Then, everything went black.

::

_And now when all is gone,  
There is nothing to say._

::_  
_

"Sam…?" I heard someone whisper my name. I also felt someone holding my hand.

"Sam, I'm so sorry," I heard Carly sobbing, "I should've paid attention to the road instead of talking on the phone…I…"

"Carls," I said, and I heard that my voice was hoarse. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were heavy. It took me a few tries before I could see my surroundings. It was a white-washed room, with a TV on the wall in front of me. I knew I was in the hospital.

"Oh, Sam!" Carly exclaimed, a tear falling down her cheek, "I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time, Cupcake," I replied in a whisper, smiling, "No need to repeat yourself." I saw that her arm was in a sling and she had a bandage around her forehead.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"What happened to me? Sam, you're in worse condition. Shouldn't you be asking what happened to you?" Carly retorted.

"Well, what happened to us?"

"I wasn't paying attention to the road, and I ran a red light, and this guy hit us, and I broke my arm and got a concussion, but you…you got hit hardest, and it's all my fault!"

"Calm down, Carly," I said, squeezing her hand, "Just tell me."

"Well…you have a spine injury, and the doctors don't know if you'll ever walk again."

_Falling out of love is hard,  
Falling for betrayal is worst,  
Broken trust and broken hearts, I know._

She said everything so quickly, I almost couldn't grasp what she said. I have a chance of never walking again. I can't run, I can't dance, I can't jump, I can't get around without help. It seemed as though my world was crashing down around me.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Impossible" by Shontelle.**


	16. Fiction

**Author's Note: iGot a Hot Room was really good! But it seemed short for an iCarly episode. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, and always R&R (:

* * *

**

The only people who were with me in the hospital were Carly and Spencer. Melanie came to visit on weekends since she was only at Seattle U, but I never saw Pete. Did he even know? I didn't really care at this point.

_Now I think I understand  
How this world can overcome a man  
Like a friend we saw it through  
In the end I gave my life for you_

Some nights I would just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't feel my legs, and wondered if they were even still attached. I didn't bother looking. I would think about when I would get out of here, and if I ever really would walk again. I doubted it, since I don't really believe in miracles or any of that chizz. So I contemplated spending the rest of my life in a wheelchair.

_Gave you all I had to give  
Found a place for me to rest my head  
While I may be hard to find  
Heard there's peace just on the other side_

One night, while I was pretending to sleep, I discovered Carly had been doing the same thing. I heard her quiet sobs from the chair beside me. Very carefully and quietly, I opened my eyes and turned to her. She was holding her picture of baby Sam in her lap and holding her phone to her ear with her free hand.

"Freddie," she whispered in between hiccups, "I miss her."

_Not that I could  
Or that I would  
Let it burn  
Under my skin_

I didn't realize Carly was still grieving. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her, especially since she never got the chance to realize she could've been a mother before it was taken away from her. I began rethinking my perspective on life right now; I thought that my situation was bad. So, what, I won't walk again? I was already able to. Carly wasn't even allowed to ever meet her baby girl, to hold her, or to know she was there. She got nothing. I at least got a taste of what I lost.

_Left this life to set me free  
Took a piece of you inside of me  
All this hurt can finally fade  
Promise me you'll never feel afraid_

Before I knew it, I was crying, too. And Carly knew I was awake…great.

"Aww, Sam," she said, walking over to me. She had hung up the phone a while ago, but set the picture in my lap, "Don't cry. You'll walk, I promise."

"Ahh, I don't care about my stupid legs," I replied, "I'm crying for baby Sam."

When I said this, she was shocked at first, but then grabbed my hand and cried with me.

"You might wanna put her picture away," I added, "We'll ruin it otherwise."

_I hope it's worth it  
What's left behind me  
I know you'll find your own way  
When I'm not with you_

We just cried. And then, the memories came flooding back from the night of the accident; I cried even harder.

"It's all my fault," I declared, and before Carly could question, I continued, "I completely lost it at Skybucks and told Pete I love him and then he just sat there so I left and that's why you had to pick me up and have your hands all occupied and wasn't paying attention and that's why we got hit…all my fault…"

I cried so hard, the sobs violently racking through my body. Carly stood there comforting me until we saw the sunlight start streaming through the window.

"Carly," I said when I could finally speak, "I just wanna…die…"

_So tell everybody  
The ones who walk beside me  
I hope you'll find your own way  
When I'm not with you tonight_

"Sam," she whispered, appalled, "I…you…no! No, I won't let you think that! It wasn't your fault! You don't have to die…you can't die! I won't let you!"

I just sighed, silently agreeing to make her feel better. I really couldn't abandon her like that, but lately I've caused her more pain that comfort. I've caused everyone more pain than comfort, and it was all on me. Nobody else could take the blame. I was getting my punishment now by having my legs taken away, but it was less than I deserved. I should be getting a heavier consequence.

But, then again…what if I lived through the crash for a reason?

_I know you'll find your own way  
When I'm not with you_

_

* * *

_**A/N: Italics was "Fiction" by Avenged Sevenfold. This song is special, because it was recorded only by their late drummer, Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan (he recorded every part: piano, drums, vocals) and it is his suicide note. I thought it both fitting for this chapter as well as my own personal tribute to him. RIP, Rev, you are and always will be missed.**_  
_


	17. If Everyone Cared

**Author's Note: I hope you guys like this chapter! Enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

"Hey, is she awake?" I heard someone asking. I hadn't heard that since I was first in this joint.

"Um, I don't think so," Carly told them, then asked, "Sam?"

"Mm…" I mumbled. I didn't feel like waking up.

"Sammie," someone else said. Only one person called me that; my eyes shot open.

"Pete?" I asked weakly. I felt him take my hand.

"I'm so sorry," he apologized. A tear escaped my eye before I even knew it was coming. I couldn't be mad at Pete, nothing was his fault. I forced the "I love you" on him, so he had a right to have the reaction he did…or lack thereof, for that matter.

_I never dreamed that you'd be mine,  
But here we are, we're here tonight,  
Singing Amen, I'm alive._

"Sam?" he said again when I didn't respond. I looked straight into his eyes, "I love you," he told me. I just stared back at him, much like he did just a few short weeks ago. I couldn't believe what I was hearing…he really did love me. I wasn't going insane, after all! I knew there was a reason for my survival. It was so Pete could let me know he loved me too.

_And as we lie beneath the stars,  
We realize how small we are.  
If they could love like you and me,  
Imagine what the world could be._

"Pete, I…" I was astounded, "I love you, too. Of course I love you! But…you really mean it?"

"Of course I mean it," he replied, slightly mocking my declaration with a smirk, "I really do love you."

He leaned over me and gently pressed his lips to mine. It was almost as magical as our first kiss…no, it was better. So much better, so much more. It was everything. I forgot my whole life; everything was Pete. And I didn't mind one bit.

_And in the air, the fireflies,  
Our only light in paradise.  
We'll show the world they were wrong,  
And teach them all to sing along._

I was reluctant to let Pete pull away from me, but he was stronger than me at the moment. I kept smiling, knowing that everything I was worried about was dissipating into something better than what it was. Everything was working out; I just hoped that I would be able to get by without my ability to walk.

_Singing Amen, I'm alive.  
Singing Amen, I'm alive._

"So, how are you doing, Sammie?" Pete asked me softly, stroking my hand. I was so happy I could cry…and I did.

"Pete, I might not ever walk again," I replied in a hoarse whisper, letting the tears fall. Everything I had been thinking came flooding back into my mind, and the tears were no longer a product of joy.

"Oh, Sam…" he whispered, just holding me and letting me cry into his shoulder. I no longer didn't care that I was potentially paralyzed; I cared too much. I cared that I would be confined to a wheelchair, and I cared that I would get sympathy just because of my situation. I hated it, and hated myself now. But I was gonna push on.

_If everyone cared, and nobody cried;  
If everyone loved, and nobody lied;  
If everyone shared, and swallowed their pride,  
Then we'd see the day when nobody died._

A couple hours later, the doctor came in to check on me.

"Hello," he greeted, "How are you doing today?"

"I'm…better," I replied with a smile.

"I'm just going to check to see if the injury to your spine is still severe," he told me, walking over to my bedside, "I'm going to ask you to wiggle your toes if you can." He lifted up the sheets to see my feet. I could feel the cooler air on my toes; I wondered if that was a good thing.

"Okay," he said, "Just try."

I thought about wiggling my toes, and prayed this would work. I felt my toes move.

"No way!" I exclaimed, moving them again.

"Excellent," the doctor said, "Now tell me if you feel this…" He poked my foot with a needle.

"Ow!" I screeched, "I definitely felt that."

_Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive  
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive_

"This is coming along very nicely," he announced, "It seems that you've healed since you came in a few weeks ago…"

The doctor started rambling about physical therapy and all that chizz, but I was more excited that I had a chance. I had a chance to get back everything I thought I lost. Maybe I was starting to believe in miracles…only if it was a little bit.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback.**


	18. Looking Up

**Author's Note: So, I'm starting to use an author's best friend...the time lapse! I myself am getting confused as to when everything is happening, but I've clarified it pretty sensibly in this chapter...I hope. Anyways, enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

I felt so lucky. I got the guy of my dreams, I had the best friend in the world, and I was fortunate enough to have narrowly escaped paralysis. Even so, I wasn't walking quite yet. I had to re-learn all of that. But, it didn't matter because I was going to be able to learn it. Right now, I was just content with wiggling my toes and rolling my ankles.

_Things are looking up, oh, finally  
I thought I'd never see the day  
When you'd smile at me_

"Sam, this is awesome!" Carly exclaimed again for the third time that day. She had Fredwad on speaker phone and we were all talking about my…miraculous recovery. We were all feeling better about it, though some part of me kept saying that Carly still blamed herself. It was possible, but my goal was to keep her as upbeat as possible and get her back to the optimist she once was.

_Honestly, can you believe,  
We crossed the world while it's asleep?  
I'd never trade it in._

"Carls," I said on our final day in the hospital, "There better be ham when we get home!"

"Ugh, Sam!" she exclaimed, "I'll call Spencer to tell him to stop by the grocery store…"

I laughed, and Carly laughed with me. We were both excited to be leaving this place, but I knew Carly wasn't looking forward to buying twice as much food again.

"So you can walk now?" She asked after hanging up her phone, "You really healed?"

"Not completely," I answered, reciting the same thing I've been telling everyone for a week now, "I'll always walk with a slight limp, but I'm going to need a lot of physical therapy to get back on my feet."

"Well, still!" she was so excited for me. I smiled.

"I know, Cupcake," I replied excitedly, "It's all good!"

_Could have given up so easily  
I was a few cheap shots away  
From the end of me_

Carly's phone rang as Pete walked in with my suitcase, all packed.

"Hello?" she said into the speaker, "Hey, Freddie!"

Pete walked over and kissed my forehead before sitting beside me and taking my hand. I smiled, and he smiled back. I just looked into his grey-blue eyes. I could get lost…I already did a couple of times.

"Really?" I heard Carly shout in excitement, "That's awesome! Kay, love you too. Bye, Freddie."

"What's up, Carls?" I asked.

"Freddie says that since we'll all be around for Christmas, we should do an iCarly Christmas special! He can work it out and everything!" she answered animatedly.

"That sounds amazing!" It was a really cool idea, "We should do it, definitely!"

_What a waste it would've been;  
I can't believe we almost hung it up.  
We're just getting started._

Just half an hour later, I was dressed in normal clothes, disconnected from every tube, and being lifted into a wheelchair by Pete.

"We're going home," he said, kissing me, then getting behind the chair to push me out of the room. I already hated being dependent on other people, but soon enough I would be capable of everything I used to be…so I guess it wasn't all that bad.

"Welcome home, kiddo!" Spencer shouted when we entered the apartment, "I made ham!"

"HAM!" I shouted enthusiastically, grabbing the wheels and speeding myself into the kitchen, "Where is it?" I demanded.

"Calm down," Spencer answered, wheeling me up to the table, "It's right—"

I cut him off by grabbing the whole thing and taking a huge bite.

"Sam!" Carly chastised, "That's so impolite! At least thank Spencer for dinner."

"Thank you, Spencer," I mumbled with my mouth full of ham. Everyone laughed and joined me at the table, taking portions of the other foods laid out. It was almost like old times…almost.

_I've always wanted this, and  
It's not a dream anymore;  
It's worth fighting for._

We just hung out, eating and laughing and…well, I kept eating. Carly and I mainly talked about the iCarly Christmas webcast, since it was November already. We had tons of great ideas and were really excited about it. Carly mentioned that Freddie had said that he had a great idea, too, but wouldn't tell us. Apparently he wanted it to be a surprise. I could only imagine what he was going to do; my worst fear was another dumb "Tech Time with Freddie" segment that would drive away our viewers. Oh well, we'll find out eventually.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Looking Up" by Paramore (my favorite band)...so do you guys like the iCarly special webcast idea?**


	19. All I Want For Christmas is You

**Author's Note: I hope you like this chapter! It's a little longer than usual, so enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

Everyday I was going through physical therapy to get back on my feet. It was harder than I thought, but it was all going to be worth it in the end; at least that's what I told myself. However, I realized that every day, I was getting stronger. Soon, I would be able to walk again; just in time for the special iCarly webcast for the holidays.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas,  
There's just one thing I need…  
I don't care about presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree._

It was nearing the end of November, so we knew Freddie was gonna be home in a couple days. Carly was so hyped up about it, and I couldn't blame her. Pete went back to Stanford a few days after I got out of the hospital, so he was coming home at the same time; needless to say, I was just as excited as Carly.

_I just want you for my own,  
More than you could ever know;  
Make my wish come true...  
All I want for Christmas is you._

I was out of my wheelchair and using a walker by December 1st, so I was doing good, even though I felt like I was ninety using the stupid thing. Hopefully they would have me at least on crutches in time for the webcast. I didn't feel like explaining to our viewers what had happened, and Carly didn't want them to worry, so we all hoped.

The doorbell rang in Carly's apartment one day while I was sitting on the couch watching Girly Cow.

"It's open!" Carly shouted, and somebody very unexpected walked through the door.

"Jake Crandall?" Carly and I exclaimed in unison.

"Hi, Carly," Jake replied, raising his eyebrows questioningly, holding out his arms for a hug. Carly accepted awkwardly, because the hug lasted longer than one exchanged between friends.

"Jake, what brings you here?" Carly asked him, pulling away quickly to dissipate the awkwardness.

"See, I was wondering…" he began, "I noticed that you guys are doing an iCarly Christmas webcast…anyway, I…how should I say this?"

Carly raised her eyebrows at him, trying to figure out what he was saying.

"I came to ask if…maybe…" Jake stuttered, "I could be on iCarly again, and maybe if I could take you out to dinner after?"

_I don't need to hang my stocking  
There upon the fireplace  
Santa Claus won't make me happy  
With a toy on Christmas day_

"Oh, Jake…" Carly was slightly surprised, but mainly reluctant, "You could definitely be on iCarly again, but dinner…I can't; I have a boyfriend."

"Oh…" Jake was disappointed, but excited to be on iCarly.

"I'm sorry," Carly replied, sympathetic, "But, anyway, what did you have in mind for the webcast?" She and Jake walked toward the couch, and sat down beside me. They started talking about the show, but I was too busy watching Girly Cow to pay attention. I looked over at the still open door a few minutes later, and saw Frednub standing just inside the apartment. He signaled me to be quiet, so I turned back to the TV so I wouldn't seem suspicious.

I pretended to join the conversation just to see what Fredweird was gonna do. Carly had her back to the doorway, so he snuck up behind her and covered her eyes.

"Guess who?" he said right into her ear.

"Freddie!" Carly exclaimed, turning around and flinging herself into his arms, "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Carls," he replied, embracing her enthusiastically. Jake looked at them, confused at first, but then when they kissed, he understood.

_I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish for snow  
I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe_

Spencer walked in, saying, "Hey, Carly, do we have any more—Freddo!"

"Hey, Spencer!" Freddie said, letting go of Carly and walking over to give Spencer a hug. Then, he came to me.

"How are you doing, Sam?" he asked me, sounding…concerned.

"What, you care?" I asked jokingly in reply, propping myself up on my walker, "Well, hopefully good enough to be rid of this thing before the webcast."

"That's awesome," Freddie replied, reaching over the metal contraption so hug me. I was feeling jolly, so I hugged him back; only briefly, however.

_All the lights are shining  
So brightly everywhere  
And the sound of children's  
Laughter fills the air_

We all sat and talked, just catching up and discussing the upcoming webcast. It was pretty awkward between Carly, Freddie, and Jake, but we tried to get past it. Jake wanted to sing again, so we were prepared to fix his voice. All the memories from that day came back…

_ "So?" Carly asked, exasperated, "Half the pop stars on the charts can't sing; they use computers and stuff to make their voices sound better."_

_ "If only we know a computer dork who would do anything you ask him to," I replied deviously, purposely turning to Fredwad._

_ "No, I won't do it!" Freddie yelled in protest._

_ "Please?" Carly pleaded, giving him puppy dog eyes._

_ "If I do it, will you kiss me?" he bargained._

_ "No!"_

_ "Come on, just one little kiss on the lips!"_

_ "No!"_

_ "Cheek?"_

_ "No!"_

_ "Nose?"_

_ "NO!"_

_ "Okay, fine, I'll do it!" Freddie finally gave in._

I smiled remembering this. Now, Carly and Fredwad could barely keep their hands off each other. It was funny how much we had changed, yet stayed the same.

_And everyone is singing,  
I hear those sleigh bells ringing,  
Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?  
Won't you please bring my baby to me?_

"So, what are you planning on singing, Jake?" I asked him, purely out of boredom.

"Oh, um, I'm not too sure yet," he replied distractedly. I could tell he was still upset about getting rejected; I could also tell that Freddie was jealous. Like Carly would ever leave the nub for Jake, I thought.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas,  
This is all I'm asking for,  
I just want to see baby,  
Standing right outside my door._

I heard a knock on the door, and turned to see who walked in.

"Pete!" I exclaimed, getting up and wobbling my way over to him with my stupid walker. I leaned on it to kiss him, welcoming him back. Everyone was together again; this was gonna be a good Christmas.

* * *

**A/N: Centered italics was "All I Want For Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey. Left-aligned italics was a flashback of Sam's from the iCarly episode "iLike Jake"...I believe I got the dialogue right for the most part.**


	20. Meant For Me

**Author's Note: I hope you guys like this chapter! It's important, so enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

"Ready, guys?" Freddie asked enthusiastically with the camera in his hand. We nodded in return. It was now December 24th, and we were about to start our iCarly holiday webcast. I no longer needed assistance walking, so we didn't have to make our fans worry. Pete and Jake were standing by the elevator to watch and wait for Jake's cue.

"In five, four, three, two…" Freddie said, pausing before he cued us to begin.

"Merry Christmas!" I shouted.

"Happy Hanukkah!" Carly yelled excitedly beside me.

"Happy Kwanzaa!" Freddie said, turning the camera briefly on him.

"Whatever you celebrate," I said.

"I'm brunette!" Carly continued.

"And I'm blonde," I said, "And this is…"

"The iCarly Holiday Webcast!" Carly and I announced proudly. I pressed a button on my remote, and our "audience" cheered. I pressed another one, and the famous voice announced, "Random dancing!" Carly and I jumped around to the music.

"Okay," Carly said when the music stopped, "You guys know that we haven't done iCarly in a long time."

"We have lives!" I interrupted wittily.

"That, and our technical producer, Freddie," Carly gestured to the camera with a smile, "Has been across the country at one of the top technology schools in the nation!"

"It's true," Freddie smirked, turning the camera to himself briefly before pointing it back at us.

"But, if you've been watching us from the start, you'll remember this guy," I introduced Jake as he walked out with his guitar. I pressed the button on my remote again, and we heard the cheers. Carly and I walked over to Freddie's tech cart while Jake started to play. Freddie automatically tapped the keys to fix Jake's voice, since when he started singing, it sounded the exact same as it did all those years ago. However, it was a familiar melody.

"I can be fragile, I can break in two," Jake sang, "But I know I'll be swept up by you…and if I get frightened, you'll always be a place of quiet to calm me. And if you feel my love, just let it show…and if you want my heart, just let me know; cause you are meant for me."

I remembered the night I walked into the Groovy Smoothie and saw Carly in Freddie's arms. They were dancing to this song. Somehow, I'd always known that they would end up together…I knew that Carly really did love Freddie in return, and that it was true love. I looked over to see them gazing into each other's eyes, and smiled. They knew it, too.

_Sometimes I feel frozen,  
And the words I say;  
You carry my breath the wrong way._

Jake had finished singing, but the song still echoed through my ears during the rest of the webcast.

"Well, I guess we're done!" Carly announced.

"Not quite," Freddie said, flipping the switch to change camera views to the tripod so he could come on frame, "I have one more thing."

"Oh?" Carly asked semi-flirtatiously, looking at him questioningly.

"I brought you guys Christmas presents," he replied, grabbing two wrapped packages from his cart and handing me a large box. I eagerly tore the paper off, and yelled excitedly, "RIBS!" before digging in.

"And, Carly," he handed her a remarkably smaller box, and I stopped eating long enough to watch what happened next.

_But then, when I touch you, and I disappear,  
Safe in your arms you take me._

Carly unwrapped the box and slowly opened it. I watched her eyes light up and her jaw drop as Freddie took her hand and slid down on his knee.

"Carly, I love you more than anything in the world," he told her softly and lovingly, "And you are my whole world…I would be so honored if you would marry me."

I beamed, and didn't care if anyone saw. My charade was up, but that was okay. Carly's eyes shimmered with tears, but her smile was twice as wide as mine when she nodded and watched Freddie slide the diamond ring onto her finger.

_My heart has come alive right now,  
It opened up a whole new world,  
I only want to show you what it's like to love this girl,  
Cause you are meant for me._

"Okay, people," I announced, still smiling, "It's time for us to go. Happy holidays!"

"Stay warm!" Freddie advised, now on his feet and holding Carly's hand.

"And don't eat the yellow snow!" Carly continued, turning to Freddie and planting a surprise kiss on his lips.

"And we're clear," Freddie announced when he and Carly broke apart. She came running over to me to show me the ring. We squealed like little girls.

"Jeez, Fredward," I said, slightly impressed, "How'd you afford this rock on just eight bucks a month from your mommy?"

"For your information, Sam," he replied smartly, "I have a job outside of school."

"Ah, I was just pulling your peach," I said, "But it really is one hell of a ring. You done good, Benson." I patted him on the back before heading over to Pete and kissing him gently.

"Are you okay?" he asked me softly, noticing my limp.

"I'm fine, I've just been standing for too long," I replied calmly. He decided to carry me downstairs to join everyone else; Carly and Freddie followed close behind us.

_Cause you are meant for me_

_

* * *

_**A/N: Jake's song AND italics was "Meant For Me" by Chrissy Chase...I had originally planned to put it in the final chapter of the story, since it is the official Creddie song, but I felt it fit better here. So, the Christmas webcast is over, but that doesn't mean the holidays are for the iCarly gang! What happens next? I'm not sure yet, but happy 20th chapter! Thanks to all my reviewers:  
ItsAllMe97, CreddieShipper, House815, Carl Rahl, sockstar, creddieseddiefan, wstrnplsr105, and paramorefreak24! Not to mention those who have favorited and added this story to their alerts! Thank you all so much, I don't think I would have continued with this story if it weren't for you guys. (:**


	21. Christmas Must Be Something More

**Author's Note: I hope you like this chapter...I put in a lot of thought and effort, and I think it's my longest one yet. I'm proud of it. Please enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

"Time for Christmas dinner!" Spencer announced as we all walked down the stairs. He and Mrs. Benson were already sitting at the table. Pete, Carly, Freddie, and I joined them. Jake had already taken off to be home in time for dinner with his family.

"What's for eating?" I asked in anticipation, carrying my box of ribs to the table.

"Some Christmas ham," Spencer replied, with an enthusiastic "yes!" from me under my breath, "Along with some spaghetti tacos!" he continued, beginning to lay the food out on the table. When I reached for some ham, he swatted my hand away.

"Wait!" Spencer yelled, "Dad's not here yet! And we have to say grace anyway."

At that exact moment, the door opened, and Carly ran to it.

"Dad!" she exclaimed, hugging her father with tears of joy in her eyes, "Dad, look!" She held up her hand to show him her ring.

_What if ribbons and bows didn't mean a thing?  
Would the song still survive without five golden rings?  
Would you still wanna kiss without mistletoe?_

After the engagement announcement, we all sat back down at the table and joined hands.

"It's time to say grace," Spencer said softly, "Now, I know we're not very religious, but we have reason to pray. We are all so thankful that Carly is still with us; this is priority, because if she weren't here…I don't know where we would all be."

Spencer paused, and I heard a few sobs, some of which were my own.

"We are also thankful that Sam is with us as well; the accident could've killed her, but she is even back on her feet afterwards. We know that you kept them both alive for a reason. We're thankful that Dad can be with us tonight, and we're thankful that we can have each other to lean on. We're thankful for the love that fills our lives, especially the love that has brought us all together tonight…would anyone else like to add?"

"Thanks for the ham," I added immediately, and everyone laughed.

"Amen!" They replied, and we all dug in.

_What would happen if God never let it snow?  
What would happen if Christmas carols told a lie?  
Tell me, what would you find?_

After dinner, we sat and talked in the living room, and Carly drifted to her piano and began playing Christmas carols that we all joined in singing. Presents were being laid out under the tree Spencer made of noses, his Merry Sniffmas! sculpture, and it was all very festive. But we didn't care about the festivity, we only cared that we were all together.

_You'd see that today holds something special,  
Something holy, not superficial.  
So here's to the birthday boy who saved our lives._

At eleven, we all started to leave the small party. Carly and Spencer's dad went back to his hotel, Freddie and his mom went back across the hall, and Pete took me back to my house. I slept soundly that night, in anticipation for the coming days when we would all be together.

_It's something we all try to ignore,  
And put a wreath up on your door.  
So here's something you should know that is for sure,  
Christmas must be something more._

When I stepped in the house, I heard my mom screaming at the cat again, and Melanie screaming at my mom to stop screaming.

"HEY!" I shouted above everything, "It's Christmas! Stop screaming so I can get some sleep!"

And with that, I trudged to my room and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

_What if angels did not pay attention to  
All the things that we wished they would always do?  
What if happiness came in a cardboard box?_

In the morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. I began thinking of Spencer's prayer, and felt genuinely thankful for everything he had mentioned. I could easily be a paraplegic, dependent on others and confined to a wheelchair. Instead, I was blessed enough to be able to walk once again. Carly could easily be six feet under, but instead, she was still alive and well just because I was in the right place at the right time. Perhaps this praying thing should be done more often.

_I think there is something we all forgot…  
What would happen if presents all went away?  
Tell me, what would you find?_

I stretched myself out before sitting up and heaving a huge sigh. Was it possible that things were going normally again? Sure, some things would never change, but other than that…you could say that we were pretty much the same kids that we've been for years. It could've been so much worse…it could've been so much different. We had a lot to be thankful for today…everyday.

_We get so caught up in all of it,  
Business and relationships,  
Hundred mile an hour lives._

As I walked out of my room, I didn't hear my mom screaming or Melanie in hysterics or the cat going insane. When I got to the kitchen, Melanie was making breakfast and my mom was sitting at the table, oddly calm.

"Merry Christmas!" Melanie said cheerfully to me, smiling. Weirdly enough, I was in a good enough mood to smile back.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked just as cheerfully. We chatted for a while after she told me she made ham omelets. The love of ham runs in the family.

After breakfast, Pete picked us up, and we went over to Carly's to spend the day with everyone.

_And it's this time of year,  
And everybody's here,  
__It seems the last thing on your mind…  
There's gotta be more._

"We have presents!" Spencer announced after lunch, breaking up the individual conversations.

"Yeah, presents‼" I cheered, jumping out of my seat. Pete chuckled and took my hand, pulling me back down beside him.

"Alright, who wants to go first?" Spencer asked, and Carly promptly said, "Me!" Carly went around to everyone, handing us boxes and bags of various shapes and sizes.

"Oh, thanks Carls!" I exclaimed, lifting a dainty charm bracelet out of a small box. "It's so pretty," I continued, mesmerized. It was a small silver chain with one charm; a silver angel with a diamond where its heart is.

"I have one, too, just like it," Carly said to me, showing me her wrist, "It's to remind us of the guardian angel that's kept us together, alive and well."

I smiled weakly, feeling tears building up. I blinked them back, and held her tight.

"Baby Sam," I whispered in her ear, knowing that's what she meant. I let her hand out her other presents.

"Oh, Carls," Freddie said when she handed him a box, "Why did you get me a present?"

"It's Christmas," she argued with a smile.

"But, I already have everything I could ever want," he retorted, "I've got you." Carly leaned down and kissed him before urging him to open it anyway.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, pulling out of the box a brand new PearPod, the best model.

"I thought you would say whoa," Carly announced smugly, kissing him again, and adding, "You're welcome."

Everyone else handed out their presents, and I got either money, food, or self-defense weapons. I couldn't ask for anything better. Freddie handed me my last present.

"Thanks, Fredweird," I said, slightly surprised that he would actually get me something other than a card with money in it. I opened the box, and saw that it contained a brand new pair of custom Nikes, decked out in iCarly.

"Wow," I commented, shocked. This must've cost…a lot. "Why?" I added.

"It's just a thank you for taking care of Carly while I was away," he answered softly enough for just the two of us to hear, "If you weren't there for her, I don't think she would've made it…so, thank you."

I couldn't think of a response to match that. But, I said something anyway.

"We both love her," I said, "So why wouldn't we take care of her?" Then, I stood up and hugged him. "You're a good friend." I added genuinely. Maybe a year ago I would've never admitted to Benson being my friend, but…a lot of things have changed. So, it's not so bad.

"Alright," I started, standing up when everyone else had handed out their presents, "I didn't exactly…buy stuff for you guys, but, um…I still have a present…for all of you."

I dug through my purse, looking for the paper. When I found it, I unfolded it, smoothed it out, and took a deep breath before beginning.

"Well," I started, "It's been…a huge rollercoaster ride. A lot of times I felt like I wasn't gonna make it…but, you guys, you really helped me out. I mean, just six months ago I thought that we would all be friends forever and have great lives and…anyway…I mean, everything happened so fast, like, for a while I thought Carly was a goner, and…I thought a lot. I didn't know what I would ever do without her. Carly, you're my best friend."

I felt the tears coming, but didn't stop them, and continued, "And then, we lost baby Sam, without even knowing that we had her, and…it's still tough for all of us. I found Pete again, and then I thought I went and scared him away by telling him how I feel…so I go and put myself in a coma. I guess now I can sympathize with Carls." I tried to laugh, but choked on it through my tears. The ink on the paper was blurring, but I wasn't even reading it at this point; I was speaking from my heart now.

"Anyway, I thought I was a goner, then…at least I wanted to be. I didn't wanna spend the rest of my life in a stupid chair. I wished I hadn't woken up…I wished that I would've just given up…but, I saw that Carly needed me. She needed me and I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't abandon her like that. And then I saw that Pete needed me, too, and…I started to feel better. I wanted to fight harder. And that's why I'm standing, literally, here now. I never realized how much we needed to lean on each other. But, now I do, and…it's a strong connection." I couldn't continue after that. The tears overcame me and I broke down. It wasn't five seconds after I stopped that six or seven pairs of arms were around me, and that their owners were crying with me. I didn't feel soft anymore…I felt stronger than ever.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry, I tried not to make this chapter too religiously inclined, just in case someone gets offended. I'm sorry in advance if you are (: Italics was "Christmas Must Be Something More" by Taylor Swift.**


	22. The Only Exception

**Author's Note: Yay, an update! Please enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

The holidays were truly magical; they helped us all realize just exactly how everything had affected us. And how much we meant to each other. We were so much closer, and definitely the best of friends. The things that brought us together were terrible, but helped out relationships evolve into something wonderful. I thought about what lengths we had gone for each other. It was pretty special; it was pretty amazing.

_When I was younger,  
I saw my daddy cry,  
and curse at the wind._

I realized just how much I meant to Pete in that moment. He had gone to extreme lengths for me; even if it didn't seem like it. If he had known that I was in the accident right after it happened, he would've been by my side the whole time. How do I know this? He told me. However, he also told me that he had no idea I was in the accident until after I had woken up from the coma. Even so, he still never left my side until he was sure I was still fighting and was strong enough. I love him so much, it's unexplainable.

_He broke his own heart,  
And I watched,  
As he tried to reassemble it._

I always thought about Carly and Freddie. I know that their hearts are so filled with love for each other, it's ridiculous. But, there's always going to be a piece of them missing. I can't say that they're closer to each other than the rest of us, but they have a different bond. And, it's understandable. They'll always know a pain different than pain that I know; they'll have a part of them that's affected different than me. But, in the end, their love isn't better than mine, or more. Just…different.

_And my momma swore,  
__That she would never  
Let herself forget._

"Fredward, I wanna talk to you," I said to Freddie a few days before he left. We pulled ourselves to the side as I continued, "I know how much you love Carly; it's just as much as I love her, because there's no possible way anyone could love her more than we do. And, don't worry, I'm not gonna yell at you, or threaten you…I just wanna say something. I want you to treat her like a princess; twice as much as you already do. She deserves it. You know it, too. And as soon as you're finished with college and you two are married and all settled down, you are going to devote your life to her and make sure she is always happy. Not that she won't be happy just being with you, but make her happier. I don't wanna see her cry again. And I know that you'll eventually be able to fix it better than I can."

_And that was the day  
That I promised,__  
I'd never sing of love  
If it does not exist._

"Sam, she's the universe to me," Freddie replied with a smile, "She always has been. I'll treat her like a _queen_, because I know she deserves it. She's in good hands already with you, and I hope I can match that."

"I don't want you to hope, nub," I interrupted, "Just do it."

"I will," he reassured. I nodded.

"Good. You're not such a bad friend after all."

"Did Samantha Puckett just call me her friend?"

"Ah, shut up." I hugged him anyway.

_Well, darling,  
__You are  
The only exception._

"Can I borrow Sam?" Pete asked a few minutes later.

"Sure," I said, walking with him, "What's up?"

"I have something for you," he opened up my hand and put something in it, closing my hand over it again before I could see.

"Don't look at it yet," he teased, "But, think of it as…a promise. A promise that you will always be mine."

"Pete, what—" I started, but he silenced me, and I let him continue.

"It's not a proposal…yet. Let's say…we're engaged to be engaged. I just want you forever, Sammie."

I opened up my hand and saw a simple diamond ring sitting in my palm.

"A diamond really only because it's your birthstone," Pete chuckled nervously, "Kinda ironic, huh? Anyway, I guess you could just tell people we're engaged because it's a diamond, but—"

I cut him off with a simple, yet loving kiss. I held the ring up when we broke apart and slid it on my finger.

"Why don't we skip the extra engaged?" I asked, cupping his face with my hands. I smiled and grabbed my waist, kissing me again.

_Maybe I know, somewhere,  
Deep in my soul,  
That love never lasts._

"It's settled, then," he replied once his lips parted from mine, "We're getting married."

Pete said the last statement loud enough for everyone to hear. I heard a chorus of "Oh my God!" and "Congrats!" and "When?" In response to the last question, I just kept my eyes on Pete and said, "Who cares?" before kissing him just one more time to seal the deal.

_And we've got to find other ways  
To make it alone,  
Or keep a straight face._

The day our men left, Carly and I were pretty bummed, but not too bummed to start looking at stuff for our weddings. This was our way of distracting ourselves. I told Carly I was fine with just running off to Vegas with Pete, but she insisted that it wouldn't be fair to everyone else, so I settled.

"Fine," I caved, "I'll get married with a fluffy white dress and have a ton of people watch me kiss Pete. Wonderful." I knew she was excited though, so I didn't want to ruin it for her. I was keeping up my end of the unspoken bargain between Freddie and I; when one of us isn't around, the other will take care of Carly enough for the two of us.

"Sam, what about this one?" She asked excitedly, holding up a picture in a magazine. It was the epitome of wedding dress. Pure white, fluffy tulle, and a huge bow in the back.

"For you?" I asked tentatively, "Because you know I would never even touch that thing with a ten foot pole."

"Ha ha, very funny," Carly retorted with a smile, "And yes, for me."

"I don't know, Carls, doesn't it seem a little…much?"

"Hmm…" she mused, taking another look at it, "Yeah, I guess it is a lot. I don't know, I guess I just want—oh my God."

"What, what?" I asked excitedly. She held up the same magazine, but with a different picture; much different. It was a simple dress, but beautiful. It had a sweetheart neckline and an A-line silhouette. The torso was beaded, and the skirt fell smoothly away from it; at the waistline was a sash with a bow to the side. This bow was much smaller than the other one. It was one of the prettiest wedding dresses I had ever seen.

"This is it," she announced, "I know it is. I need to look this up right now." Carly rushed over to her computer and immediately Googled the designer, finding where the dress was sold in a matter of seconds. She was positively beaming.

In the meantime, I was flipping through my own magazine, and found my dress. It was _the_ dress. It had a sweetheart neckline and A-line silhouette like Carly's, but rather than the beading and sash, its only accent was a simple row of rhinestones at an empire waist. Nothing else. It was so…_me_.

_And I've always lived like this,  
keeping a comfortable distance.  
And up until now, I had sworn to myself  
that I'm content with loneliness._

Carly Googled my designer as well, and we discovered that our dresses were sold at the same boutique.

"Talk about two birds with one stone," I chuckled, still mesmerized over the dress.

"Yeah, but we still can't go for a while," Carly replied, "We're not getting married for the next three and a half years at least."

"So why are we planning when I could be eating?" I exclaimed, going straight to the fridge and grabbing some ribs.

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk.  
Well, you are the only exception._

I knew we would never forget about those dresses, though. They were _our_ dresses, like they were made for us. All we could do is hope that they would still be sold when the time came to get them.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "The Only Exception" by Paramore. I must admit, I was slightly pissed, because I didn't want it to seem like Sam and Pete were engaged now, too, but NOOO Sam HAD to be born in April and the birthstone HAD to be a diamond. Go figure. So, that's why that happened. You can see Carly ****and Sam's dresses at my Photobucket account (STARLiiGHTxx)****,since I honestly don't think I did Carly's dress enough justice, or either dress for that matter. Anywho, hope you enjoyed. (:**


	23. Never Give Up On Your Dreams

**Author's Note: Sorry it's been a few days; this chapter took a lot of thinking. I think I'm almost toward the end *shields self from flying objects* please enjoy, though, R&R (:  
Also, I'm curious...how do I get a beta reader?**

**

* * *

**

During the next few months before summer, Carly and I busied ourselves with our part-time jobs and planning our weddings. However, I started to get worried.

"Carls?" I asked her one day while we were looking through more bridal magazines, "Do you think you'll get to Seattle U next semester?"

"I don't know," she replied, preoccupied, "I mean, I wanna go to college, but I'm not sure about Seattle U anymore. I've been looking at Julliard actually."

"That fancy theater school in New York?" I inquired, surprised, "But that's like…really expensive, isn't it?"

"Well, I mean, Spencer's getting more and more money for his sculptures, and I've been saving the money from my job, and my dad might be able to help…"

"You're also planning a wedding, Carls," I added uncertainly. I just looked at her, waiting for her response. She seemed to be thinking it over, but just shook her head and persisted.

"Yeah, but there's not even a guarantee that I'll get in," she answered, "So, I might not, and then I'll just go to Seattle U. But, Sam…this is my dream. I don't wanna give it up just yet."

_As life goes by,  
We always search for meaning,  
And look for love,  
And why we seem to fall._

"I guess I never really thought of it like this before," she continued, now just speaking her thoughts, "But, as much as I wish I didn't lose baby Sam…if I didn't, if she was here, I wouldn't even be able to think about going to Julliard. It's my biggest dream, and I wouldn't have been able to do it with a baby to take care of. I wouldn't be able to think about what's best for me…my best interests would all have to be for her. It's such a big responsibility, and I wouldn't be able to take it on at all right now. I barely would've survived without you, Sam."

When she stopped talking, the silence startled me. Then, I realized that she was speaking the truth…and that she's also moving on.

_There we are,  
Not knowing what the future finds,  
But it's just a matter of time._

"Of course I still miss her," it was like Carly was reading my mind, "I'll always miss her. It's just…it would've been so much harder…it wasn't the right time."

I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it. I couldn't think of the right words to say without sounding insensitive. I just hugged her. I expected to hear her start crying, but she didn't. She was a lot stronger than I thought.

"I mean, maybe in a couple years after Freddie and I are married, I would love to have kids, but…not now," was all Carly said.

_Before our rhythm finds a rhyme,  
Before our bells to start to chime,  
Before we end our uphill climb._

"Anyway, I was wondering," Carly continued, "Would you fly out to New York with me in the fall? I don't want to go alone."

"Of course, Cupcake," I replied, "I'll be there."

"Awesome," she answered with a smile.

_We should never give up,  
We should never give in,  
Always fight for a brighter tomorrow._

We talked eagerly after that, about her big audition and everything else we were looking forward to. I was so happy for her, not only that she was getting her life back on track, but also that she had finally overcome one of the biggest hurdles that she ever faced in life.

Before we knew it, it was May, and Pete and Freddie were coming home for the summer. Spencer, Mrs. Benson, Carly and I all took a trip to the airport together to pick them up. As we waited for their flight to land, I went over to the food court and bought some jerky.

"Did I miss anything?" I said when I returned to them.

"Nope," Carly replied, "The flight should be landing any minute." With that, we made our way up to security to wait for them there. I checked the flight queue out of boredom.

"Ooh, it landed!" I said excitedly, talking about Pete's flight. Fredweird's wasn't coming for another fifteen minutes.

_When the going gets tough,  
Then the victory begins,  
No mountain's as high as it seems,  
So never give up on your dreams._

We waited for a couple more minutes, and then I saw Pete walking towards us. He dropped his carry on when he saw me running toward him, opening his arms for me. I didn't hesitate to fling myself onto him, my feet flying off the ground with enthusiasm.

"I missed you," I whispered as he settled me back on my feet.

"I could tell," he chuckled, stroking my cheek. We got lost in each others' gaze before closing the gap between us, our lips meeting.

We broke apart, smiling.

"I missed you, too, Sammie," Pete continued, stroking my cheek one last time before taking my hand and leading us back to everyone else.

_Our time will tell,  
If we're not what we seem,__  
The things we do  
don't match the things we are._

We all waited for Freddie to show up, and when he did, Carly ran straight into his arms. We were all together again; we would all be happy.

After Pete and Freddie got their luggage, we all headed over to the Groovy Smoothie for some lunch. We declined T-Bo's attempt to sell us tacos on a stick, and Carly seemed dumbfounded as to how he did that. I didn't want to know.

Anyway, we had decided to have a 'Welcome Home' party for the boys, so we were busy setting up for the rest of the night. We waited for Freddie's mom to leave to reveal that we had Spencer buy us a case or two of beer. We weren't quite legal yet, but we weren't that far from it, and we would keep each other in check. If there were only two cases between all the people that were going to be here, it couldn't be that bad…right?

_Look inside,  
Our happiness is always there,  
We are simply one of a kind._

At eight o'clock, we were answering Carly's door like mad, letting in more and more people. I couldn't remember inviting this many people, but maybe we did. I remember letting in Gibby, and Wendy, and Tasha, and…a few others from school, but I had gotten into the beer, so a lot of things were fuzzy. And there was more beer there than I thought.

One thing that wasn't fuzzy that I stumbled into that night was Fredwad bragging to his A/V Club buddies about fucking Carly. He was probably more drunk than me, but when I'm drunk…I'm _mad_.

"Hey, Freddork!" I screamed, walking over to them. They were up in the studio, as the party had spread through the whole apartment by now. "What are you telling your…friends here?"

I saw him open his mouth to answer, but he just started laughing instead.

"You know," he slurred. He stood up, staggering over to me, "Come join the party." He took a swig of the can in his hand, and pushed me over to the nerd circle. I sat down reluctantly, but I may have just fallen there in my drunken stupor.

"As I was saying," Freddie began again, "So, Carly and I were on her couch, right? And she's all 'I love you, Freddie' so we start making out, things are getting real hot. She's moaning and shit, getting really into it…"

I tried to block it out, and I think I just repressed it from my memory. It was every crude detail of the night I unfortunately half witnessed. When he was finished, though, I got so pissed off at him, I exploded.

"Yeah, hahaha!" I mock-laughed in his face, so close I could smell the cheap beer in his breath, "That was so great! It was awesome! But you forget what happened the next morning! You just left her there, abandoned her‼ You son of a bitch! You also forget that because you left her there, she almost killed herself over you! Yeah, sooo funny‼ And you guys lost your fucking kid over it! So go ahead, yuck it up! Maybe it's because you're too piss drunk to care, but you better shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you!"

"Damn, Puckett," Freddie retorted, slightly surprised, "You think I forgot about my own damn kid? The one Carly named after you? Maybe you're the one who should lay off the drinks, huh?"

_Can't let others make us blind,  
With some patience we will find,  
We can do what's on our mind._

"Don't tell me what to do, Fredfuck," I snarled in reply, "Next time you brag about screwing my best friend, don't do it around me. And don't forget how much she loves you…how much you're supposed to love her."

Our faces were barely an inch apart, out of pure anger. It might've been the alcohol talking, but I wouldn't let him talk about my best friend like that; like she was just some slut that he only gets bragging rights from. It made me sick. Actually, I think I was literally sick. Then, it happened.

Freddie kissed me. A chaste kiss, no tongue, nothing but a peck. And then I barfed…all over him.

* * *

**A/N: I thought that was a pretty satisfying ending...especially for Sam (: The song in italics was called "Never Give Up on Your Dreams" and I have no idea who it's by. I found it on YouTube and couldn't seem to find an artist, so...yeah. Hope you liked it!**


	24. Secrets

**Author's Note: Phew, this chapter was tough! I really hope you guys like this one. I hate to say it, but this story is drawing to a close. Only a few more chapters left! Enjoy, R&R (:**

* * *

"Whoa!" Freddie protested, standing up. I was very proud of myself in that moment. Fredward was soaked in my puke, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"We're both engaged, remember?" I asked, smirking, "To other people."

"Yeah, like me," I heard Carly's voice from the doorway. This was not going to end well. The guys chorused "Ooh" and "You're fucked, man" from the background, but nothing was louder than Carly's death glare. She dragged Freddie out in the hall by his ear, and by the look on her face, wanted me to follow.

"What in the _hell_ were you thinking?" She screamed at him, tears already welling up in her eyes, "First you go bragging about how 'awesome' I am in bed, and then you go ahead and blatantly kiss Sam in front of me?"

"For the record, I didn't know you were there," Freddie slurred, taking another swig from his beer can. Carly grabbed it and chucked it to the other end of the hall, clearly furious.

"Oh, because if I didn't see, that makes it okay?" Carly retorted, the tears now overflowing, "I don't care how drunk you are, you're acting like an asshole!"

I heard her voice break, and could tell she was starting to lose it. But, I could also tell that she had a few beers in her as well.

"When are you going to realize how afraid I am to lose you like I lost our daughter?" Carly whimpered, finally breaking down.

"Carls," I whispered, putting my hand on her shoulder. But, she shrugged it off.

"Sam, I…" she couldn't continue, even though I knew she didn't want to talk to me. I turned her to face me and hugged her tight.

"Sam, let go," she choked, and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt already. I just hugged her tighter.

"I'm not letting go," I insisted, "No matter how mad you are, I'm going to make sure you realize that I still love you."

_I need another story,  
Something to get off my chest;  
My life gets kinda boring,  
Need something that I can confess,  
Till all my sleeves are stained red._

"Somehow I feel like someone else should be saying this to me," Carly replied, slightly irritated. She shot a glance at Freddie.

"I don't think you'll want him hugging you with my barf all down his front," I commented with a smile.

"I will admit, that was really funny."

"Yeah, well, I try."

We looked back over to Freddie, and he had passed out. Carly sighed, more tears falling as she knelt by his side. One of her tears fell on his forehead, and she kissed where it hit.

"Help me carry him to my room," she said, looking up at me. I silently agreed, taking his legs.

"God, what has this boy been _eating_?" I exclaimed when we lifted him, starting down the hall. I was all for just pushing him down the stairs, but Carly insisted we carry him. As soon as we got to her room, I tossed him on Carly's bed and sprawled out on the chaise lounge. I could feel my head spinning, and I knew I was gonna crash soon.

"Night, Carls," I slurred before blacking out.

_From all the truth that I've said  
Come by it honestly I swear  
Thought you saw wink, no  
I've been on the brink_

When I woke up, my head was pounding, and I felt like I was gonna puke my guts out. I wanted to move so badly, but every time I did, I felt like I was gonna die.

"Ohhhh," I groaned, trying to move as little as possible. When I finally realized that I would puke on myself if I didn't get up, I ran straight to the bathroom. Benson was already leaning over the toilet, but I shoved him out of the way before upchucking last night's beer intake.

"Good morning, Sam," Carly commented sarcastically.

"Gee, thanks," I said in between heaves. This wasn't pleasant at all; note to self—no more late-night alcohol binges that result in killer hangovers.

"Ughhh," I groaned again, fully sure that my stomach was so empty, if I puked again, my entire digestive tract would come up. I walked over to the sink very slowly, ran the cold water, and splashed it on my face.

"That did not help," I commented with a disappointed sigh. I turned and saw that Freddie hadn't moved from where I pushed him over.

"Get up, you lazy nub," I grunted, kicking him softly. He just groaned in response.

"Does he remember anything from yesterday?" I asked Carly quietly, apprehensively. I wasn't sure if she was still upset or if she even wanted to see my face.

"I don't know," she replied softly, "But if he does, he has some serious apologizing to do."

_Tell me what you want to hear,  
Something that were like those years,  
Sick of all the insincere,  
So, I'm gonna give all my secrets away._

We decided that since Freddie wasn't going to move, we were going to carry him out to the couch. As soon as I touched him, he hopped up.

"I'm good!" he yelled, and then held his hand to his head, regretting the noise he just created.

"Good," Carly answered viciously, "Then we can go talk about what you did last night."

I watched in amusement as Freddie thought about it, remembered what happened, and looked at me in disgust.

"You puked all over me!" he shouted angrily.

"You kissed me‼" I protested, unable to hide my smirk.

"Yeah, let's talk about that," Carly grabbed the back of Freddie's shirt and dragged him out of the bathroom to the living room, and I followed, almost choking on my laughter.

"Sam, this involves you getting punished too," Carly continued, "So I wouldn't be laughing if I were you."

I shut my mouth fast, hoping it would help a little bit. I was slightly worried as to what would happen.

"Freddie, do you realize how serious this is?" Carly started, trying to wipe the smirk off Freddie's face, "You completely disrespected me."

"I know," he sighed, ashamed, "But, in my defense, I was so drunk, I—"

"Freddie, it's doesn't matter how drunk you were!" she protested angrily, "You still said it, and you still cheated on me!"

"Carly, I was so drunk I was attracted to Sam. Do you really think I meant it?"

"Dude," I warned, very offended by the insult he just shot out. I know that he just pissed Carly off even more, because he definitely hit a nerve.

_This time, don't need another perfect line,  
Don't care if critics never jump in line,  
I'm gonna give all my secrets away._

"Freddie!" Carly shouted, "It doesn't make a difference! It's the fact that you were immature enough to get that drunk in the first place! And Sam, that goes for you, too! You were both way outta line last night!"

"Carls, I—" I began, but she cut me off.

"Don't 'Carls' me! It doesn't make up for anything that happened. I know you stood up for me, but you still let Freddie kiss you. That means you cheated on Pete, too."

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it again, realizing that crucial fact. I would have to talk to him about it another time.

"Freddie," Carly began again, her voice now shaking, "I…I don't think that we're ready for this kind of commitment."

Everything became slow-mo right then, as she finished that sentence. I watched in disbelief as she slid the diamond ring off her finger and took Freddie's hand, opening it to drop the ring in his palm. A tear fell there as well before she closed her fingers over it.

"You can ask me again when I know I can trust you," her voice broke, and the tears fell rapidly now. I went over to comfort her.

"Don't touch me, Sam," she shrugged me off, "That goes for you, too. We need some space to figure things out on our own."

"Cupcake, I can't—" I stuttered, feeling tears in my eyes as well, "I need you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, giving me a sincere look before walking slowly up the stairs and out of sight.

I couldn't believe what she had just done. I looked over to Freddie, still in the same position from before.

"Hey," I said, shaking him, "You…you okay?" I asked this very apprehensively, worried as to what would happen next.

I heard a small whimper before he completely broke down himself. The sobs were racking through his body so violently, and he was soaking himself with tears. I didn't feel the urge to make fun of him, or pity him. I was able to empathize with him. I sat beside him and let the tears take me over as well. We weren't comforting each other; we were just crying together.

_Oh, got no reason, got not shame,  
Got no family I can blame,  
Just don't let me disappear,  
I'm going to tell you everything._

After a few hours, the sobs died down, and we slowly began to breathe evenly again. I looked up, and saw a raw pair of red eyes staring right back at me.

"Are you okay?" Freddie asked me genuinely, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I don't know how to answer that.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Secrets" by OneRepublic. And by the way, the only way I like Seddie is the FRIENDSHIP way, and that's how it's going to stay. Sorry :)**


	25. Homeless Heart

**Author's Note: This is it, everyone. The last chapter. There will be an epilogue, but other than that...enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

I went home to clean myself up. I looked in the mirror, and I was a complete wreck. I turned on the shower, and the hot water felt awesome. It was almost like the water was washing everything away. I knew it wouldn't last though.

After I had gotten dressed and splashed a little more water on my face, I looked a lot better than I did earlier. But I felt a hell of a lot worse.

Knowing this was inevitable, I pulled out my cell phone and hit the speed dial.

"Hi, Sammie," I heard Pete's voice from the other end.

"Hey," I replied, "Can I come over?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Kay…love you."

"Love you too. See you soon."

And just like that, I was on my way to possibly chase away the last person I could depend on.

_Lonesome stranger  
With a crowd around you  
I see who you are_

As I was walking, it started to rain. I didn't care. It just blended with my tears.

When I got to Pete's, I didn't even have time to ring the doorbell before he let me in.

"Sam, you're soaked," he commented, "I could've picked you up, you didn't need to walk in the rain."

I didn't want to sugarcoat any of it, so I just blurted, "Pete, I kissed Freddie."

"Sam…" he began, his expression full of hurt.

"Pete, we were both drunk, and I was really pissed, because he was making Carly sound like a whore, so I was screaming at him, and I got in his face to prove my point, and he leaned over and kissed me. I didn't push him off or anything."

I let myself break down, knowing that the worst was still to come.

"Sam," he repeated, placing his hand on my shoulder, "You've broken my trust."

"Pete, I know," I sobbed, "Carly said the same thing, she already broke up with Freddie, and she doesn't want to talk to me, and…I know I hurt you, but you're the only one I have left. I need you."

He didn't reply, he just swept me into his arms and carried me to his bedroom, sitting down and cradling me in his lap.

"I won't leave you, Sammie," Pete whispered gently, stroking my hair, "You hurt me, but that doesn't mean I'll hurt you in return. I'll always be here."

_If you're needing  
A soul-to-soul connection  
I'll run to your side_

"I love you," I choked in between tears, burying my face into Pete's shoulder.

"Sweetheart, I know, I know," Pete soothed me, rubbing my back, "I love you."

I tried to even out my breathing, but my sobs made my breath hitch, and I labored to get any air.

"Let it out," I heard him whisper, now laying me down on his bed, but embracing me and I shoved my face into his chest.

I knew I was right when I said I needed him, because I don't know how I would ever do this alone. I didn't calm down for hours; I was in hysterics and didn't know how Pete was dealing with it. I know I hurt him, but he still wanted to be by my side.

_When you're lost in the dark  
When you're out in the cold  
When you're looking for something that resembles your soul  
When the wind blows your house of cards  
I'll be a home to your homeless heart_

When my breaths finally slowed, and I was calm, I looked up at Pete. His eyes locked with mine, and I saw his gaze was full of devotion and adoration. He really did love me. I stretched my neck to kiss him quickly before settling back into his chest, falling fast asleep.

I woke up in a warm embrace, and immediately smiled.

"How are you?" I heard Pete's soft voice in my ear.

"Better," I answered, hugging him a little tighter.

"I need you to know I forgave you as soon as you told me…"

"Why? I hurt you, doesn't that deserve some form of punishment?"

"No."

"But—"

"Because I love you."

_Open close me  
Leave your secrets with me  
I can ease your pain_

I looked up at him, and he didn't hesitate to kiss me. When we broke apart, I smiled again, sighing as I rested my head on his chest. I could stay like this forever.

Well, forever until I had to eat.

"Fuck, I'm hungry," I commented when my stomach growled angrily.

"I'll make you breakfast. Go get cleaned up." Pete kissed my forehead before releasing me and walking out of the room.

I sat up and stretched, walking to the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a tired, broken reflection of who I was before I came here yesterday. I looked worse, but felt so much better. I turned on the shower and didn't hesitate to let the warm water run over me for a few minutes or so.

When I got out of the shower, I saw that Pete had laid out a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt for me. I smiled before slipping them on, feeling very comfortable.

"Thank you," I said when I walked out to the kitchen.

"Anything for you," he replied, kissing me again before sitting me down in front of a plate full of eggs, bacon, and ham.

"You know me too well," I smiled before happily digging in.

_And my arms will be  
Just like walls around you  
Come in from the rain_

I cleaned three plates successfully, very satisfied now. I sighed with content and sat back, taking a sip of my orange juice.

Suddenly, Pete lifted me out of my chair and had me in a full fireman's carry.

"Ahh!" I shrieked, "What are you doing?"

"Calm down!" Pete laughed, setting me on the couch and plopping next to me, throwing his arms around me.

"I love you," he told me again.

"I know," I smirked, then leaned up to kiss him.

_If you're running  
In the wrong direction  
I will lead you back_

We sat and cuddled, just happy to be in each others' arms. At around five, Pete drove me home, and I saw someone very unexpected waiting at the door.

"Carls?" I asked, walking up to her. Pete kissed me goodbye before leaving.

"You didn't tell him?" she asked in reply, a tinge of anger in her voice.

"No, I did," I answered, "I told him right away."

"What happened?"

"He forgave me."

Carly just stared, and I caught a hint of jealousy in her glare.

"Maybe you should do the same," I continued, stepping a little bit closer.

"But, it wasn't your fault, it was Freddie's," she argued, placing her hands on her hips.

"Trust me, he knows that," I tried to keep my voice even, "Do you even know how much he blames himself? You should've seen what he was like after you gave back the ring. You hurt him so much worse than he could ever hurt you. He needs you, Carly. You need to apologize."

"Me?" she exploded, "He's the one who cheated‼"

"You're the one who broke his heart!"

_Broken  
Shattered like a mirror  
In a million pieces_

"He didn't mean to hurt you," I continued, "_I_ didn't mean to hurt you."

I watched as her face changed by the second: angry, hurt, sad…finally a tear left a shining trail on her cheek.

"Sam," she choked, stepping forward to hug me. I didn't hesitate to return the embrace.

"He loves you," I reassured her, "He loves you just as much as I do as your best friend, plus he loves you in a way I never could. He needs you, and you need him."

I just held her as she sobbed into my shoulder, her frail body shaking. I hated remembering the last time she was like this.

_Sooner or later  
You've got to find  
Something, someone  
To find you and save you_

When her breaths evened, I took her by the hand and walked her back to Bushwell Plaza. The sun shone valiantly as it set while we walked. We walked slowly, because I wanted to give Carly time to think about everything.

We entered the lobby silently, ignoring Lewbert's screams about how he just mopped. I led Carly into the elevator, hitting the 8 button, and waiting.

Carly expected to go to her apartment.

"No," I said gently, pulling her toward the door across the hall. I knocked for her.

One man, broken and worn, answered the door, and upon seeing Carly's tear-stained face, had her in his arms.

No words needed to be spoken between them. I could tell everything was going to be okay.

I watched with a smirk as Freddie reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring, and slipping it on Carly's finger. She responded with a smile, and a kiss.

"My work here is done," I said proudly, starting to walk away.

"Sam," Freddie said, beckoning me. I sighed, and joined their embrace. We weren't only embracing each other; we were embracing reality.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "Homeless Heart" by Jennette McCurdy. Being such a Sam-centric chapter, I thought a Jennette song was appropriate :) Stay tuned for the epilogue!**


	26. Epilogue: So Close

**Author's Note: This is it, the final installment. I'd like to thank all my reviewers, Carl Rahl, CreddieFreak, iHeartCreddie, sockstar, emlick96, wstrnplsr105, creddieseddiefan, creddie cailey and zailey supp, aisforangelaaa, Heinah, DelenaSeddieLuv, paramorefreak24, ItsAllMe97, Hose815, and CreddieShipper. Thank you all so much, this story was such a success, and your feedback definitely helped. I also want to thank the countless readers out there who had this on alert and favorited, plus the people who were reading this that don't have an account here. Thank you, enjoy, R&R (:**

**

* * *

**

Epilogue: Five Years Later

"Sam!" Carly shrieked excitedly, rushing to me and tackling me in a choking embrace. I smiled, and hugged her back enthusiastically.

"Careful, Carly!" My sister, Melanie, chided, "We don't want to ruin the dress!"

"I can't believe today's the day!" Carly continued gushing, "You're getting married!"

"You're already married‼" I gushed back, hugging her again. I turned to the mirror, studying my reflection. It was the same dress Carly and I picked out all those years ago. She had worn hers, as well. But, today, she was wearing a pink (the color of ham) maid of honor dress. I studied her in the mirror as well, and noticed something…strange.

"Carls," I replied, poking her stomach, "You slipping from your diet again?"

"Sam!" she chastised, "I'm pregnant!"

"What?" I hugged her once more, elated. We squealed like little girls.

"Calm down, you two!" Melanie shouted, even though she was unable to hide her beaming smile.

"What's going on in here?" Freddie walked in. I watched Carly take a quick breath when she saw him; I will admit, the nub looked kinda handsome. He was wearing a sleek black tux with a pink rose boutonniere. He hugged Carly first, then came over to hug me.

"Congrats, Puckett," he said, smiling.

"Congrats to you, too," I replied, and he smiled even wider before, putting his arm around Carly and affectionately rubbing her stomach.

_You just keep tuggin, pushin, pullin,  
All my little heart strings  
__Got me all tied up in knots,  
Anytime I see your face  
Oh, it brings out the girl in me_

"We have fifteen minutes, Sam!" Melanie goaded, and I turned to her.

"Alright, do your worst," I joked, letting her pull my hair and paint my face until I looked pretty.

Within ten minutes, it looked as though she hadn't done anything to my face, but I still had a glow about me and looked…beautiful. My hair was half back, almost like usual, except more formal.

"Now, for the veil," she said, her eyes glowing as she pulled some tulle thing out of a box and weaved it into my hair.

"Oh, Sam," I heard Carly start to sob.

"Don't you dare, Benson," I tested out her new name with a smirk, "No crying before this thing starts!"

"I can't help it," she replied, "It's a mix of the hormones, and you look so beautiful!" She ran over and hugged me, and I returned it quickly before letting go.

"We have three minutes," I said, grabbing my shoes and slipping them on. I gave Carly another quick hug when I stood up, then reminded her that she and Freddie needed to take their place in the lineup. Melanie was standing beside me in the back of the line. Since our dad is God-knows-where, and our mom is in Vegas again (she's not the best planner), we only have each other. I was so nervous, but so happy.

_Don't know just how you did it, but you got me real good  
Hook line and sinker like I knew you could,  
But you don't even notice, boy I wish you would  
I can't help myself_

I heard the music, and watched as the line started moving. It started off with Wendy and Gibby, then Spencer and Sasha, then Carly and Freddie…and now, it's my time to shine. Melanie and I joined hands, then started down the aisle. It seemed miles long at the pace we were walking, but it was all going to be worth it, because there was a handsome man waiting for me at the altar. He's blonde with blue-grey eyes that shine when he smiles, and he has a warm embrace just for me.

_I can't help but smile,  
Every time I see your face_

Melanie and I finally reached the end of the aisle, and I eagerly took Pete's hand after hugging Melanie one last time. I took my place opposite Pete, and the ceremony began.

I didn't realize how fast it would go once it started, but before I knew it, Pete and I were sharing our first kiss as husband and wife.

_Am I outta my mind?  
I think that I might be goin' crazy,  
__Cause my heart is yours,  
To have and hold, or break._

We danced for hours at the reception, never letting up. My shoes were killing me, so I sat down in between songs and took them off, walking around in my bare feet. It didn't matter, because my dress was so long, nobody could tell.

"Can I cut in?" I heard Carly ask Pete and I during a hip-hoppy song. I smiled and laughed, saying sure. Freddie joined us soon enough, and the three of us had our own little dance party.

We snuck out after that dance, sitting on the lawn behind the reception hall, gazing up at the stars. Pete found us, and sat next to me.

"It's a beautiful night," I sighed, laying back on the grass. I smiled up at the sky.

"Carly," I asked suddenly, "Are you really pregnant or are you just joking?"

"I'm seriously pregnant," she laughed in reply.

"Wow," I sighed, thinking about it. All of a sudden, a meteor rocketed across the night sky.

"Did you see that?" I exclaimed, and everyone agreed excitedly. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Carly and Freddie's hand intertwined over her stomach.

"Hey," I said, "Don't forget what I said."

"And what was that?" Carly asked playfully.

"I told you that baby Sam would know when it was meant to be."

I watched Carly's face light up as she remembered, and cradled her stomach even more.

"Maybe she'll have Auntie Sam's curly hair," I proposed with a smile.

_I think you might be close to perfect,  
Cause you know what I mean  
Gotta pinch myself to prove it ain't a dream_

We sat and chatted for a few more minutes before heading back into the party. But, nothing amazed me more that night than the second shooting star I saw. It like up the sky like the sun, and reminded me of everything it took to get here. That night, I remembered to count my blessings, and to be thankful for everything—and everyone—I have.

Maybe someday, baby Sam will have a little playmate named Carly. But, as of right now, I was pretty content with just having Pete all to myself, forever.

End.

* * *

**A/N: Italics was "So Close" by Jennette McCurdy. I hope you liked this story, thank you for sticking with me through the whole thing! I *heart* my readers (:**


End file.
